6 Loving Couples Marvel Has Recently Destroyed

SPIDER-MAN & MARY JANE WATSON

 

You may have thought this ruined years ago, but surprisingly enough, Satan did not already kill the love of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson with any true finality. It took Dr. Octopus to do that.

We all know the tale. College student Peter Parker, who was just getting mixed up with Gwen Stacy at the time, was introduced to Aunt May’s friend Anna’s niece, who sauntered her fine red-headed self into the doorway and boldly proclaimed “Face it, Tiger, you just hit the jackpot!” You would seriously be hard-pressed to find a proclamation any bolder than that. The story since then has been a roller-coaster of secret identity hijinks, a high-profile marriage of two people madly in love with each other, in sickness and in health, through symbiotes and clone sagas, until Mephisto do they part.

Satan eats marriages. So THAT’S what happened to that Kardashian thing.

 

The “One More Day” malarkey has been covered ad nauseum – essentially, Satan makes a deal with Mary Jane, and she sells him their marriage in exchange for Aunt May’s life and various other random retcon concerns (Peter’s secret identity restored, Harry Osborn brought back from the dead, etc.). A noble sacrifice that was met with much fan disdain. However, Dan Slott’s been writing Amazing Spider-Man since then, and he’s been firing on all cylinders throughout most of that run, establishing MJ as Peter’s best friend, who is one of the very few who know his secret (and perhaps she’s the only one who still remembers the whole Mephisto thing, too). At the end of the Spider Island event, MJ quietly admitted to a jubilant just-saved-the-city Peter that she still loved him, and he didn’t quite catch that. The hope was still there that maybe they’d have some kind of future together, even if Marvel Editorial On High bent over backwards to break them up.

 

Now, however, Peter Parker is sort of dead, a ghostly shadow of himself who’s had to watch as Dr. Otto Octavius has taken up residence in his body. Otto had none of the reservations about pursuing MJ again, and began to push the issue, to which MJ responded hesitantly, but positively. She took it very slow, though, to the point where Otto got frustrated enough to say ‘forget it’ and instead accessed Peter’s memories of their history together so he could just masturbate to them instead of jumping through MJ’s hoops. Yes, that happened. But it turns out the more Otto takes of Peter’s memories, the more he also takes of his emotional connection to them, and thus he began to experience the inner conflict about MJ, calling their relationship “a recursive loop,” “an equation that can never be solved” and “the greatest trap of all,” adding that the only way to free her from it is to move on.

 

Superior Spider-Man #2: On sale now! Go get it! It has masturbation in it, too!

So it seems the long dance has ended for the foreseeable future – although we CAN foresee a time when Peter Parker is back in control of his own body, but even Ghost Parker seemed to be impressed with the harsh nobility of Otto’s clean break, citing it was something he could never have done himself. Perhaps they will still be close, but they remain forever destined to be in the friend zone – and now, they both actually realize that.

 

Did he, really? Would Satan have gotten involved with Gwen Stacy? Oh, wait, she had Goblin Kids. Never mind.

 


 

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