If not for the chicken scratches on our bedroom walls, how else would we know it’s time for this week’s funniest tweets? To commemorate another one in the can (and surviving the endless coronavirus isolation), we’ve got another funny collection for you. This week’s lockdown included the first reopen before the next lockdown, Fauci getting locked out for being too popular and Twinkies getting made into lattes, along with Jeffrey Epstein definitely not killing himself. As always, we’re here if you need us. Now, catch up on all the Twitter insanity here, then, of course, follow us on Twitter or our name isn’t @Mandatory.
L.A. wildlife really is getting brazen during the lockdown–just today I found three Hollywood Boulevard Spidermen wandering in my yard.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) May 5, 2020
The hardest part of being alive during the Civil War was probably that the best candy available was a strawberry blended with chalk called like "Grisham's Reprieve" or something
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) May 8, 2020
I'm looking for a greeting card, something along the lines of "Sorry your governor is trying to kill you."
— Worst Cass Scenario (@WorstCassie) May 1, 2020
Mike Pence caught on hot mic delivering empty boxes of PPE for a PR stunt. pic.twitter.com/IduvGhiPwj
— Matt McDermott (@mattmfm) May 8, 2020
I’m really trying to get the word out about Not Saying Things. Instead of saying things, you can just not say things and many still don’t know this
— Caitlin (@caithuls) May 6, 2020
since when is hitting rock bottom a bad thing? i love rocks and laying down.
— kim (@KimmyMonte) May 7, 2020
we are allowed to reopen for one minute
— Disneyland (@Disneyland2go) May 7, 2020
Loving Seinfeld’s new special! ??? pic.twitter.com/eIjSSvlAz7
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) May 8, 2020
Seems a little early to announce something nearly three decades away. https://t.co/4MpgEI9aNO
— Ian Abramson (@ianabramson) May 6, 2020
We don’t deserve them.
Dogs, bruh…????❤️? pic.twitter.com/rt15MWwKsr
— Rex Chapman?? (@RexChapman) May 7, 2020
‘TMNT’ Movie Turns 30: Meet ‘Middle-Aged Millennial Ninja Turtles’
Good News of the Week For 5 1 20
Mandatory Good News: Two Very Good Dogs Deliver Beer Curbside to Save Their Mom’s Company
Mandatory Good News: Mobile Haircuts Come to New York City Health Care Workers
German Health Care Workers Get Naked to Raise Awareness About PPE Shortages (And to Remind Us What Naked Women Not in Porn Look Like)
NBC’s Two Biggest TV Sitcom Casts to Reunite For Charity, Honestly We’ll Take Anything They Give Us
Mandatory Good Deed of the Day: Send Art Supplies to Kids Whose Parents Have Given Up on Homeschooling
Mandatory Good Deed of the Day: Do a Pizza Drop For Someone in Need
Man Wins Powerball Jackpot Twice in One Day, Likely to Offer Serious Cash to Anyone With Toilet Paper
Brad Pitt Steals a Solo ‘SNL’ Cold Open as the Only Candidate For Man of the Year (Besides Himself)