Listen: Jack White Slams Foo Fighters, Eviscerates Rolling Stone

Fans aren’t the only ones craving authenticity in the music of today. Jack White took aim at Foo Fighters and Rolling Stone magazine in some sharply condemning comments at his Fenway Park show in Boston last night (Wednesday), decrying sensationalism and sonic trickery to mask imperfection.

White slammed Foo Fighters for having two guitarists “playing the same parts” to cover up for any mistakes they might make, before accurately jabbing Rolling Stone as “brought to you by the Kardashian family”.

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Instead of worthwhile music, Jack lamented, RS packs its website with “15 outfits that will blow your mind that Taylor Swift wore this month” and “10 reasons why Rolling Stone dot com didn’t cover the Newport Folk Festival for 50 years straight”. Let’s also not forget “12 reasons Rolling Stone won’t put a black and white cover on the cover of their magazine unless you’re dead.”

“Rolling Stone dot com, brought to you by Jack White!” You can hear the sarcasm dripping from his lips. 

Then the former White Stripe eliminated any doubt about the tabloid-peddling direction the publication is headed in, by outlining the fact that RS founder Jann Wenner owns Us Magazine, “keeping paparazzi alive for more than 20 years.” For the unenlightened, Us is among the most successful grocery checkout-stand gossip rags that rarely concerns itself with printing anything even remotely close to truth.

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Realizing that sharing his irritations was beginning to sound ranty, White decried the term itself: “I’m officially supposed to stop now because this is becoming a Kanye West-esque rant for Rollingstone.com. Because apparently, nowadays, you aren’t allowed to speak to your own fans about anything, lest it be a rant. So forget ISIS, forget the war in the Middle East, forget any problems at home, forget gay marriage, forget everything you ever thought about everything. This not a rant. This is just me saying, hello Cleveland!”

Except, he wasn’t in Cleveland. Listen to the most hilariously sarcastic monologue in the history of music below.

 

We’ll undoubtedly be hearing a rebuttel from Grohl in the near future…

Update: Jack White’s publicity team has issued a statement:

Dear dream-makers of the media….
Last night Jack White made a joke on stage! 
There was a minor equipment mishap, specifically with his guitar, and in an effort to keep his audience engaged, he made a joke! It was meant to be funny and self deprecating: “hey sorry, you’re stuck with just me up here…” vs the Foo Fighters who have three guitar players on stage and regularly play stadium shows.
Jack has the upmost respect for the Foo Fighters and communicated with Grohl this morning.   
So if you’ll let us, we’ll all continue with our day and we assure you: All is well in the rock n roll world.
 
Foo Fighters, meanwhile, responded on Twitter with the following:
 
 
 

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