You don’t have to be a royal family watcher to know that
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle gave a huge interview to Oprah that aired on Sunday night. The juicy tidbits, sound bites, and pull quotes have been overrunning the internet ever since. Of the many shocking revelations, the most talked about is Meghan’s assertion that there were “conversations” about the Palace’s concerns over how “dark” the couple’s son, Archie, would be while she was pregnant. (Meghan is bi-racial.)
The way the couple has been treated in the British press, not to mention by the royal family, is incredibly cruel and insensitive. But they aren’t the only mixed-race couple that’s had to confront racist kin. In honor of the admirable way Harry and Meghan have handled the crown – and their differentiation from it –we created The Mandatory Prince Harry Dating Guide to Dealing With Your Racist Family That Doesn’t Love Your New Woman. Read up – and don’t let the bastards get you down.
Cover Photo: Max Mumby/Indigo / Contributor (Getty Images)
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Decide what you’re willing to sacrifice.
If you’re really in love, you’ll be willing to sacrifice everything to keep your woman. Prince Harry went all in when he fell for Meghan. He gave up his title, his status, his financial cushion, and some of his fandom. That speaks volumes about how much he cares for Meghan. By being willing to give up what you hold most dear, you prove to others how much your woman is worth.
Don’t let your big brother intimidate you.
If you have an older brother, you already know that you’re constantly being compared to him and are probably coming up short in your family’s eyes. It’s just the way it is. But you don’t have to internalize his so-called superiority over you. Since you’re never going to be the favorite anyway, you do you, which includes choosing the woman you want despite your family’s opinions. If you have to take space from your brother (as Harry is currently doing from William), so be it. It’s time to be your own man.
Do it your way.
If you have to disinvite your family from your wedding, so be it. Take a cue from Harry and Meghan, who confessed to Oprah that they had a backyard civil ceremony with only the Archbishop of Canterbury in attendance three days before the big-ass wedding watched by the whole world. The photos that hang on the walls of their California home are from the private ceremony, so no question which event meant more to the couple.
Put some distance between you, your woman, and your family.
A continent should be enough.
Sing your woman’s praises – and acknowledge her suffering.
Putting up with racism – especially when it comes from family – is draining and demoralizing. Recognize how strong your woman is, while also acknowledging her struggles. Prince Harry had this to say of Meghan: “I'm really proud of us. I'm so proud of my wife. She safely delivered Archie during a period of time which was so cruel and so mean. “
Be vocal about your disappointment in your family's response.
Ideally, find someone on par with Oprah to broadcast your displeasure with your family and get the validation you seek. There is power in numbers...and ratings.
Be prepared for deep conversations and dark moments.
Confronting your family’s racism is going to take a toll on both of you – but especially on your girl. As Meghan admitted, she got so down during her courtship with Harry that she contemplated suicide. Thankfully, she was open about her feelings with Harry, and he supported her through it. If you haven’t already, it’s time to grow a pair, because dealing with your racist family is going to be the hardest thing you’ve probably ever had to face.
Cut ties if necessary.
You can’t change stupid. If your family just can’t see the damage their racist views are causing, it might be best to kick them to the curb.
Repair the relationships you can.
After the dust settles, you might find that some of your family members come around. While Prince Charles initially ‘stopped taking’ Harry’s calls, the father and son have come to an understanding and are working at repairing their relationship. "Of course, I will always love him, but there's a lot of hurt that's happened,” Harry told Oprah. “And I will continue to make it one of my priorities to try and heal that relationship.”
Remember that you’re committed to each other, not necessarily your families.
You can please some of the people some of the time, but in the case of a racist family, it’s time to stop trying to please anyone. When you commit to a partner, you form a new family – and in some cases, that will replace your family of origin. As long as your relationship with your woman is strong, that’s all that matters. Your family of origin had you all to themselves for two decades or so – now your life is yours to do as you please.