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Okay, yeah. So apparently this happened. The Sun reports:
TWO men were being held last night over a suspected plot to rob and murder singer Joss Stone. Cops found swords, rope and a body bag when they swooped on the pair at around 10am yesterday near the star’s isolated country home. The men, aged 33 and 30, also had detailed maps and aerial photos of her rural property in east Devon. The suspects had travelled from the Manchester area 200 miles away. Police insiders said they were arrested on suspicion of planning a terrifying raid on Joss, 24, who has a £9million personal fortune. The alleged plot was foiled by sharp-eyed neighbours who saw two black men acting suspiciously in a red Fiat Punto. The car was being driven slowly around the isolated lanes of the Cullompton area. Police were alerted and took the men to Exeter, where they were being questioned last night. A 20-strong team of detectives is now working on the case, liaising with colleagues in Manchester.
Jesus. Only in England would fucking kidnappers pull up in this. Were the swords tied to the top of the car with bungee cords? Is that what happened? They didn’t mention a sidecar with a monkey wearing a leather jacket in it, so it’s not fully clear where Joss Stone was gonna sit. To be honest, I don’t think these kidnappers really thought this through.