Keira Knightley Can’t Get Enough Sex

Keira Knightley says she regrets not having a more private life as a teen and a young adult due to her early rise to fame, because apparently she can’t have sex as much as she wants. She tells Elle magazine:

My father says: ‘I wish this had happened in five years’ time, you could have been 20 and got really pissed and slept with loads of people and no one would have known.’ “That would have been great. It’s like you’ve got to be perfect. Holding any 20-year-old up as a role model is completely idiotic. I think that’s bollocks.”

The fact that I’ve masturbated five times while writing this is proof that Keira is evil. I was almost over her, but then she had to go and say something like this. Now I’m having blurred vision and memory loss, but my vertical jump has increased by 9 inches. Just in time for my workout with the Panthers before the NFL draft! Thanks, Keira!

Keira in Rome a few weeks ago: