Jennifer Garner is pregnant

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From E! Online : “Alias star (Jennifer Garner) is expecting her first child, E! Online and E! News have confirmed. Multiple sources close to Garner and beau Ben Affleck say the actress is three months along. News of the pregnancy comes just two weeks after several published reports claimed the couple were engaged.”

The fact that E! News has confirmed E! Online’s story is good enough for me. I would have expected E! News to say, “Whatever you do, don’t listen to E! Online, those fuckers are crazy over there. I heard they killed a guy one time.”

Fame is so damn weird. Ben Affleck has basically been in one really good movie. And that was 40 years ago. And he was only in about 10 percent of it. If not for that, he’d be the dude saying he just lost another loan to Ditech. But he was in ‘Good Will Hunting’, and he’s been rich and famous ever since, and now he gets to water down Jennifer Garners genetic pool with his seed. But, whatever, the greatest thing about this story is that Affleck’s rep is named Ken Sunshine. Whatever underserved millions he makes as a rep, rest assured, he does it with the gayest possible name. If your name is Mr. Sunshine, you shouldn’t be trying to cover up the secret tryst Jennifer Garner and I had three months ago, you should be on PBS with a puppet named Montgomery Moose reading stories about ugly kids who achieve their goals.