Ashlee Simpson is hot. Wait, what?

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Ashlee – shut the hell up. Stop singing. Stop talking. Stop flopping around on stage. Just stop it. You’ve lost us, and you’re not gonna get us back anytime soon. You can still be rich and famous, but only if go with what’s working. And the blond hair is working. That unnatural jet black made you look like you should be reading Goth poetry in a magicians cape. I understand you wanted to stand apart from Jessica. Well, it worked. People like her, people hate you. Congratulations. So stick with the blond hair and just take pictures for a while. You can absolutely be rich and famous in America for no reason whatsoever, people do it all the time. I have no idea what Carmen Electra does, but I kinda know that I know who she is and she used to do something. Or maybe she’s going to do something or maybe she does it now, I can’t remember exactly. It’s like that time I got abducted and those aliens made me spread my healthy seed to their exotic yet sexy daughters to keep their planet alive. Is that how … yeah, yeah, that sounds right.