Halle Berry changes her mind

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So apparently Halle Berry won’t be wearing million dollar shoes to the Academy Awards. Someone must have pointed out it’s bad form to have a million dollars on your feet while at the same time wearing a black ribbon to show your “concern” over the mountain of dead in Indonesia. But the real victim here is me, cause I’d already written a brilliantly funny story about it. And since I’m too lazy to write something new, I’m posting it anyway:

“Halle Berry will wear diamond encrusted shoes with a net worth of one million dollars to this years Academy Awards. And if it’s not an hour later right now and you’re picking yourself up off the floor, you should probably read that first sentence again, cause I said “million dollar shoes.” It’s almost unthinkable. I didn’t even spend a million dollars on prostitutes last year. In this country. If you’re going to wear million dollar shoes, you might as well stop off somewhere and kick some orphans in the nuts, cause, really, its pretty much the same thing.”

And to think, her selfishness almost cost you the hilarity of this article. Tsk, tsk Halle. Tsk, tsk.