A Day in the Life of a Jacksonville Jaguar Fan

Let’s face it, if you’re a Jacksonville Jaguars fan, not a lot is going right for you these days. The team has one pathetic win this year, and somehow things actually look worse every week. But what if their terrible luck isn’t just limited to football and their taste in football teams actually affects their every day life. Here’s a look at a day in the life of a Jaguars fan.

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8:00am – Wake up…because there’s a hole in the waterbed and it’s spouting out stagnant water like some sort of condemned geyser.

8:30am – Get in the shower, but instead of hot water coming through the faucet, it’s raw sewage. How is this even possible?

8:45am – Time to brush your teeth. The toothpaste tastes weird for some reason. It’s a tube of Preparation H.

9:00am – Leave for work but you notice something about your car. Just like Maurice Jones-Drew, it won’t run.

9:15am – Try to call one of your co-workers to pick you up, but your phone is exactly like all of the Jaguars’ wideouts: no reception.

10:00am – Arrive to work, only to find out your company has moved from Jacksonville to Los Angeles.

10:30am – Walking down the street, someone offers you drugs. You turn them down and alert an officer. It was Justin Blackmon. He’s now suspended indefinitely.

Noon – Go to lunch at a local diner. You order a sandwich, but the waiter throws it three tables away from you. It’s Chad Henne. You still have to pay for the meal.

1:30pm – Swing by CVS to grab a soda, but they’re out of everything except this:

2:30pm – Blaine Gabbert is walking down the street and waves. You put up your hand to high five him and he swings his hand, but misses by a good 5 feet.

4:00pm – Try to listen to some music, but your Zune freezes up and gives this message. Also, a Zune? Seriously?

5:00pm – Might as well grab dinner out. Taco Bell for 3 Chalupa Supremes with extra lettuce. The next day, this photo shows up on the news:

5:45pm – Get home and check the mail. There’s an envelope from Netflix. They mixed up the account and sent you 3 copies of “Grown Ups 2.”

7:00pm – Time to watch a little television before bed, but a tape is stuck in the VCR and won’t turn off. It’s this:

8:00pm – Might as well go on to bed, but the waterbed has a hole in it. Good thing there’s an air mattress.

8:02pm – There’s a hole in the mattress as big as the ones in the Jaguars’ defensive line. Looks like you’re sleeping on the floor tonight.


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