Danny DeVito is Always Drunk

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Danny DeVito is drunk in basically every interview, but instead of going on Larry King Live and being asked “What’s your best childhood memory?” or “What’s your favorite color?” while everybody completely ignores the fact that he’s texting hookers and throwing up behind the desk, David Letterman just comes out and asks him. Not that he really cares. If I looked like Danny DeVito, I’d probably want to stay drunk all the time, too. At least it would be cheap. He’s like 2 feet tall. I bet he plays beer pong with a Fischer-Price Musical Tea Set. There’s something magical about a tea party!