People keep telling me that Shawn Johnson is hot, but here’s the thing, man: No, no she’s not. She’s like 4 feet tall and looks like she should be lead blocking for LaDanlian Tomlinson. Fucking her would be like fucking a garden gnome. I’m not even joking when say I’d rather have sex with a slamming car door than Shawn Johnson.
John Oliver spent part of his Sunday night monologue tearing into the revelation that Donald Trump used a decoy flight…
