How to Become a Rapper

Photo: Ljupco (Getty Images)

So, the time has come for you to take matters into your own hands and achieve worldwide fame in the music industry. The only problem is – you’re not much of a singer. In fact, you couldn’t hit a note if your life depended on it. No worries – that is exactly why people invented instruments in the first place. Oh, you can’t really play any instrument? Pianos require some music theory and patience; guitars are far too noisy and rebellious; flutes are… well, flutes. With all this in mind, you are basically left with just one option – to become a rapper. This is something we can easily help you with, so take a look at our little guide on how to become a rapper and start throwing rhymes in no time.

Choosing a Path

The first thing you’ll need to do is decide on the route you’ll want to take in your rapping endeavors. What kind of a rapper do you want to be? You could deal with social issues and the problems of the oppressed, but who really cares about them anyway? If you’re a bit more aggressive in nature and believe that your words are only as powerful as the bullets that follow them, you should opt for gangsta rap, but remember to choose a side. You don’t want to get caught in the middle. On the other hand, if you’d rather die than say one swear word in your lyrics, your best bet is Will Smith‘s clean rap. Finally, if all else fails, you could simply choose the crappy rap style of, say, Jay Z and combine it with a crappy “rock” band, say, Linkin Park. Those are the choices you have, so go through them carefully.

Writing Lyrics

So, you’ve already chosen the style you want for your rapping career, now you just need to write the actual lyrics for your songs. Don’t worry about the music, that’s the easy part. All you need to do is take a good song, take one of its parts and when someone complains say it’s an homage to your favorite composer. If you don’t have the money to pay for the potential lawsuit, you can follow Nas and just grab a couple of notes from a classical piece (they’re all free). As for the lyrics – naive artists think that you need rhymes for it to be a proper song but, actually, you don’t need them at all. Everything is in how you say it, so a house can rhyme with a pony if you just try hard enough. Whenever you get a writer’s block, deploy mumbling and it will help you get through those pesky lines.

Making a Video

The final part of your rapping identity is, of course, the music video. You can tell a lot about a rapper by his video, so you should be extra careful when making one. A somewhat classic concept is a video filled with fast cars, semi-naked girls, and bundles of money scattered all over the studio. The reason why this is so popular among the rappers is that they get to have a great time pretending to be rich, regardless of their success. It’s a win-win situation, basically. However, if you’re financially disabled, you should go for the close-up yelling-angrily-at-the-camera style that never fails. Remember to throw your hands around to let everyone know you’re saying something important. If all else fails, use random childhood clips of your best friend and pretend like he was shot recently. It works every time.

Now that you know exactly how to become a rapper, there’s no time to waste. Grab all the chains you can find, put on a bandana and practice your mean looks in the mirror. You’ll be a star in no time.