John Mayer’s Penis Broke Up Giada De Laurentiis’ Marriage

The Internet says it was a “shock” and a “bombshell divorce announcement” that Giada De Laurentiis (the chick with the titties who cooks Italian food) and her husband, Todd Thompson (no relation), filed for divorce after 11 years of marriage. But John Mayer’s path of penis destruction doesn’t care about the sanctity of marriage or if some chick’s titties shouldn’t coveted.

 Though the couple’s filings offered little clue as to the reason for the split, has learned that there have been cracks in the marriage for years. In fact, according to one previous report, De Laurentiis cheated on her husband back in 2010 — with singer John Mayer! De Laurentiis and Mayer worked together at a charity event hosted by Tiger Woods in 2007, and two years later, blogs were rife with outrageous claims that they were hooking up. But speculation reached a fever pitch in 2010 with an explosive report in Star magazine. On October 9, 2010, the mag claimed, De Laurentiis and Mayer crossed paths at the exclusive Boom Boom Room at The Standard hotel. “Almost as soon as they saw each other, they left the room moments apart,” an eyewitness said at the time. “Giada was leaning with her back against the wall, and John was right up against her,” the source told the magazine. “Giada was holding his hand and she just had a huge grin on her face. John had one hand on the small of her back. They looked like two people who were going to go home together.” Another eyewitness allegedly spotted the two not long after at the Plunge lounge atop the nearby Hotel Gasevoort, where they were “extremely touchy-feely.” They soon disappeared into another of the hotel’s suites, the magazine reported, where Mayer ordered up ice buckets and towels at 1:30 a.m. Around 3 a.m., a source said at the time, De Laurentiis was seen leaving.

Maybe they banged, maybe they didn’t. But they probably did. If they did, good for him and bad for her, I guess. I’m just more concerned right now with this picture that John Mayer posted on Instagram two days ago. Like, did he think we wouldn’t notice? Has Harrison Ford tracked down and killed the one on the left yet?