Scientology Is Stalking Katie Holmes

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At this point, you really don’t need me to tell you that Scientology is a freakish cult whose main tenets include emotional torture, murder, and fuck bitches get money, so it really should come as no surprise that David Miscaviage has dispatched spies to track Katie Homes‘ every move. TMZ reports:

Katie Holmes believes Scientology now views her as a threat to the organization and has put a team on her tail … sources close to the actress tell TMZ. We’re told Katie believes in recent weeks — as the discord between her and Tom Cruise grew — Scientology has been following her moves, especially in New York City. This does not appear to be the mind of a paranoid person. People who have photographed Katie multiple times tell TMZ there have been several “mysterious” men and vehicles around Katie’s apartment and following her when she’s out. Specifically … a white Cadillac Escalade and black Mercedes SUV (see above) have been seen near Katie’s NYC apartment for the past week. FYI — there is a publication that has put a tail on Katie, but the people doing that are separate from the people Katie believes have been dispatched from Scientology. It is unclear if the two vehicles that have been constantly spotted near Holmes’ pad are from Scientology or from the publication.

Like every religion, Scientology deals in manipulation and fear and preys on the weak, so yes, the mysterious men are Scientologists. They might be Jenna Elfman and Danny Masterson, we can’t be too sure. And please don’t tell me that Scientology isn’t a religion. It has the same tax code as yours. Christianity only seems real because it’s been around longer. If your grandma believed in the apathetic, divine leader and his zombie son, then it must be true. God is nothing more than Kim Jong Il with a slightly better publicist. Oh, yeah. This post is about Katie Holmes. Back to that. RUN BITCH THEY’RE FOLLOWING YOU!!!