You Knew This Was Coming

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UPDATE: This was in my inbox this morning…

I discovered your site through a link from, of which I am a regular reader. First, I want to let you know that I began my battle with breast cancer at the age of 22. This May made 3 years clean. With that in mind, your piece on PETA and their response to Lady Gaga turned me into a new yet avid reader. I absolutely love what you had to say. Yes, my dog is a rescue, but I know my way around some jumper cables well enough to fry Luigi if it meant remission. I know that you will potentiality face a lot of shit from people who have suffered from cancer, people who have rescue animals, and people that have improperly attempted to jump their car battery. Since I fall into all of those categories, I just wanted to tip my metaphysical hat to you and commend you for publishing that. You officially have at least two new readers. I’ll let my friends know and you will soon have more.

Thanks for making my night!


Always ready to jump on free publicity like I jump on a steak, PETA, the world’s largest terrorist organization (who btw killed 97% of the animals they rescued last year), has released a statement condemning Lady Gaga for her MTV VMAs meat dress. PETA says:

Lately, Lady Gaga has been having a hard time keeping her act “over the top.” Wearing a dress made out cuts of dead cows is offensive enough to bring comment, but someone should whisper in her ear that there are more people who are upset by butchery than who are impressed by it—and that means a lot of young people will not be buying her records if she keeps this stuff up. On the other hand, maybe it was fake and she’ll talk about that later. If not, what’s next: the family cat made into a hat? Meat is the decomposing flesh of a tormented animal who didn’t want to die, and after a few hours under the TV lights, it would smell like the rotting flesh it is and likely be crawling in maggots—not too attractive, really.

Lady Gaga is an idiot who would stick an infant on a pike if it meant somebody would take her picture, so I’m not really sure why PETA is surprised by this. And most importantly, PETA should shut up. Look, I have a three-legged cat I adopted from the SPCA (asshole pictured here), but if I got cancer and my doctor told me the only way not to have cancer would be to stick railroad spikes in my cat’s eyes and hook him up to a car battery, I’d go to AutoZone because they usually have pretty good deals there.

Note: We’re animals. We eat other animals. It’s called nature. So, please don’t send me hate mail about the feelings of your fucking pet. Just because you bought it a sweater and put in on your Christmas doesn’t make it a part of your family. End of story. If you treat your pet better than you would a stranger on the street, then either you hate humans or you are a recluse shut in with a severe social disorder and the inability to understand what it is to be a human being.