Grand Theft Auto V is a game healthily laden with humor. Whether you’re driving down the street, listening to the radio, or watching a cutscene, there’s bound to be something comical happening in the world of Los Santos.
Below we’ve compiled a list of a few of GTA V‘s many funny quotes:
Thanks to Ryan Leack for his contribution!
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"You need some seatbelts back here, or straps, or something." "I only keep things in the back I don't mind losing" - Exchange between Trevor and an accomplice in his truck bed during a chase scene
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Remember to turn off your cell phones, and please don't masturbate." - Ad before watching film in theater
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Redwood Cigarettes: great for when you're resting in the hospital, playing tennis, or jogging." - Redwood Cigarettes ad
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Yoga unifies the mind and body while freeing you from the limitations of dignity and self-respect. It's a work out, a philosophy, and a metaphor all rolled into one. It is everything. It is nothing. Be. Be nothing." - Internet ad
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Stop it! You're ruining my yoga!" - Amanda
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"She looks like a bloodhound in front of a windmill." – Beverly
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Dumba**!" - Random lady who you just almost ran over
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Have you read the manual for this thing?" - Police helicopter co-pilot
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"GTA, pretty much the same as the last game." - Radio
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"It was crazy as hell. He must've been tweaking. I know I am. You got a washing machine I could take apart?" – Radio
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"I'm not stoned at all. Hell no, not at all. Completely not stoned. I'm currently not stoned. I'm straight. I could do anything. Sh*t, I could be a brain surgeon. Brain surgery. I could do that. Uhh, I shoulda been a surgeon. That's what I shoulda been." - Franklin while stoned
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Grand Señora Desert – Imagine the beach, but this beach is devoid of water and 400 miles wide." - TV commercial
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"That girl is beat up from the feet up." - Tonya
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Chinese people – who wants to get killed in our movie?" - Random TV producer
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"The police are asking citizens to be alert and mistrustful of anyone who doesn't look like them." – Radio alert
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Bring me my coffee or I'm gonna cut your arm off!" – Trevor
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Ya know, I don't mind being labeled a crackhead." - Random crackhead
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Dad! Jimmy called me a b*tch!" – Tracey
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"What a gentleman. And, for once, I'm not being sarcastic." - Random lady after having stolen purse returned to her
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"We're fixing the problems that we made, together, which is why it's only fair that you pay for the problems, together." - Political TV commercial
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Vote yes on Proposition 208, and legalize medical cocaine." - Vinewood Blvd. Radio
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"The cops are here, sucks for them." - Trevor
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"Preserve X Skin Cream: The timeless beauty of formaldehyde." - Internet ad
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"I'll be there later to sign the contracts. Just ignore the bodies…" - Trevor
-
Funny Quotes from Grand Theft Auto V
"You tell me what you want and I'll explain to you very carefully why it cannot be." – Simeon
