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Whoever poetically stated that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, failed to consider the possibility that the latter ones could be from a completely different galaxy altogether. Chances are that these beings we call women actually originated from a dark, incomprehensible planet somewhere in the corner of our ever-expanding universe and that they at one point infiltrated our race, posing as kinder, more benevolent sex. That is why it’s borderline impossible to grasp how their minds work and what they’re thinking about. Understanding women is one of the universe’s most daunting tasks but, nevertheless, we’ve decided to take on the challenge and show you how you can cope with these incredible creatures we can’t live without.
Understanding Women 101: Know the Enemy
As it is with most other unknown species in the world, your first step is observation. Before you can safely communicate with a woman, you need to know as much about her as possible. Sometimes “yes” can actually mean “no,” a kind nod can translate to a bitter disappointment, and a jovial laugh is a warning of imminent death. That is why it’s important to see which rules apply in their world. It may take you days, weeks, or even decades, but eventually, you’ll get the hang of this bizarre form of communication and will be capable of taking the next step towards understanding women. To be on the safe side, until you reach that level, it’s best that you avoid communication altogether and stick to neutral smiles, extremely slow nods, and repetition of her words.
Attempt Communication
If you feel confident that you’ve observed her enough, it’s time to take that next step and attempt communication. Keep in mind, though, that you’ll inevitably fail the first time. It’s the principle of trial and error that will eventually get you somewhere. For example, say you see your beautiful girlfriend walk down the staircase to you and decide to offer her a harmless compliment. Your simple “you look really nice today” can be interpreted in about 7.2 million ways by a female mind. Does that imply she was ugly before? Are you saying that because you feel guilty for something? Why is it just nice and not great? Before you know it, you will find yourself questioning your every move, word by word. After a while, you will be capable of not offending her for the first five minutes that you spend together and it will be the closest you’ll get to understanding women in quite a while.
Comply
The most important part of communication with the female species is compliance. Sure, people will tell you that it’s all about being yourself and being honest with your partner. However, all of that is a lie. If you want to achieve some independence in your relationship, first you need to comply and surrender to this enslaving race they call women. You can start off by practicing this very common but highly effective phrase in the mirror: “Yes, honey.” Note that the second word in the phrase can vary, as long as it has a similarly non-threatening ring to it. After a while of doing this, she will accept the fact that you need at least some degree of freedom and you will be able to function somewhat independently. It’s a difficult, time-consuming process, but it’s absolutely the only way to gain freedom and preserve the so-called relationship.
Accept Defeat
The final part of this “lesson” is the realization that you will never actually be able to fully understand women. The thing is, most of the time, they don’t even understand each other or themselves. What you need to do is accept this fact and carry on with your imperfect life. The best way to function around women is to come to terms with their innate desire to be right at everything they do. Once you realize that, the rest is smooth sailing.
With this incredible guide to understanding women, you will be able to communicate with pretty much any woman you come across (after a year or two of practice). You can tell us how much this guide means to you in the comment section below.
