The Most Ridiculous News Headline From Each State

Headlines are insanely important. But a headline is nothing without a completely ridiculous story to inspire it. For your amusement (and so you would never have to do it on your own), we spent many, many hours on the Internet going through all sorts of Google searches — and spending way to much time on HuffPo’s weird news section — to find you the absolutely most ridiculous headline we could find from each state. Here’s what we came up with, in alphabetical order.

Alabama
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Carnival worker arrested after butt dialing his friend while having ‘sex with his dog’ and recording the act

Alaska
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Alaska man with eyeball tattoo pleads guilty to attempted murder, says ‘beautiful face’ led to crime

Arizona
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Arizona man arrested after shooting at the moon, high on marijuana

Arkansas
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Arkansas Woman Steals $144 of Eye Makeup, Wears It All At Same Time

California

Woman gives birth, fights off bees, starts wildfire in Northern California

Colorado

Aspen Man Hires Stuffed Owl As His Defense Attorney

Connecticut

Man Arrested for Alleged Aggressive Mopping

Delaware
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Cops: Man, 22, Threw Semen on Walmart Shopper

Florida

Orlando gun range allows customers to shoot at each other

Georgia
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Georgia Man Accidentally Texts Probation Officer for Weed

Hawaii
Invasive, Acid-Spraying Ants in Hawaii Are Deforming Native Seabird Chicks

Idaho

Robber Wears Underwear on Head During Idaho Burglary

Illinois

Woman missing since she got lost

Indiana

Man Wakes Up To Find Dog Chewed His Toes Off

Iowa

Man Pulls Knife On Brother For Eating Too Many PB&J Sandwiches: Cops

Kansas

Audreanna Phelps Finds God’s Name In Vein On Her Leg

Kentucky

Local child wins gun from fundraiser

Louisiana

Drunk Dad Sleeps While Boy, 8, Drives: Police

Maine

Man Gripes to Police That Prostitute Still Owes Him 10 Minutes

Maryland

Cops: Man Broke Into Home to Lick the Remote Control

Massachusetts

Woman Allegedly Assaults Sandwich Maker Over ‘Too Many Pickles’

Michigan

Man coming through window says he was warning neighbor about prowler

Minnesota

Minnesota Thieves Steal $70,000 Worth of Bull Semen

Mississippi

Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement

Missouri

High School Student Arrested for Allegedly Changing Teen’s Name to ‘Masturbate’ In Yearbook

Montana

Montana Man Killed Trying to Create Bigfoot Hoax

Nebraska

Stoners Call Cops After Their Hookah Pipes Get Stolen, Cops Find Alleged Grow Operation

Nevada

Moviegoer Shoots Self in the Butt During ‘Bourne Legacy’ At Theater

New Hampshire

Man Loses Life Savings at Carnival, Wins Stuffed Banana With Dreadlocks

New Jersey

Man Allegedly Vomits 14 Bags Of Heroin in Front of Cops

New Mexico

Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney

New York

Mom Disrupts School Assembly by Stripping, Cops Say

North Carolina

17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree

North Dakota

High School Baseball Teammates Allegedly Have Sex With Sandwich

Ohio
crazy news, crazy headlines, weird news, insane news from each state
Ohio Man Arrested for Fucking Pool Raft. Again.

Oklahoma

Oklahoma man gets 30 years in prison for fatal ‘atomic wedgie’

Oregon

Lion Tries to Eat Zebra-Striped Toddler at Oregon Zoo

Pennsylvania

Teasing Over Vaginal Flatulence on School Bus Leads to Groin Attack

Rhode Island

Officers Investigated for Making Teens Do Push-Ups

South Carolina

Woman Stabs Roommate Who Wouldn’t Stop Listening to The Eagles: Cops

South Dakota

Breastfeeding Bandit Sneaks Into Home and Suckles Stranger’s Baby

Tennessee

Tennessee Man Had Sex With ATM, Picnic Table: Cops

Texas

Naked man hospitalized after drinking game leads to prosthetic leg being set aflame

Utah

Man determined to get arrested, gets arrested

Vermont

Public Steps Up, Helps Vermont Cops Identify Notorious Washing Machine Urinator

Virginia

Porn star sues over rear-end collision

Washington

Stabbing disrupts class for anger management

West Virginia

Frat Boy Sues for Injuries Cause by Rocket Shot From Anus

Wisconsin

Wis. man got shot — intentionally — in “phenomenally stupid” attempt to win back ex-girlfriend

Wyoming

The State of Wyoming Has 2 Escalators