Kim Kardashian Would Like To Lecture You On Female Empowerment Now

Kim Kardashian, seen above before she felt empowered to visit a plastic surgeon, took to her blog (that you have to pay to read)  yesterday to celebrate International Women’s Day in the true Kardashian way: talking about herself. Of course, she addressed the backlash she received for posting yet another old ass, Photoshopped naked selfie, and she can’t understand why people hate her since she just wants to empower all the women of today. Let’s break it down, shall we? Take this journey with me, friends. (via Just Jared, who I guess pays to read the blog).

“In all seriousness, I never understand why people get so bothered by what other people choose to do with their lives,” Kim added. “I don’t do drugs, I hardly drink, I’ve never committed a crime—and yet I’m a bad role model for being proud of my body? “I am empowered by my body. I am empowered by my sexuality. I am empowered by feeling comfortable in my skin. I am empowered by showing the world my flaws and not being afraid of what anyone is going to say about me. And I hope that through this platform I have been given, I can encourage the same empowerment for girls and women all over the world.”

You’re on a reality show. You want people to “get so bothered” with your life, because if they didn’t, you’ll be like your former master Paris Hilton who you climbed over for fame, so let’s just clear that up. Also, one would hope you’re comfortable in your own skin after all the plastic surgery you got for free after you threw the doc a plug (my friend Megan in LA sees you there all the time btw). It would be more empowering to women if you could Photoshop the dollar amount on each specific body part so they could see how easily this can be attained if you’re a rich celebrity. Other than, fuck yourself. You’re really not helping anyone. Your “flaws” are erased with your next scheduled appointment instead of diet and exercise. Oh, and if you want to see the results of your “empowerment for girls”, just get on Instagram and take a look at your sister Kylie. She hasn’t been 18 for year and has been rebuilt more times than Iraq. Good job.

It always seems to come back around to my sex tape. Yes, a sex tape that was made 13 years ago. 13 YEARS AGO. Literally that lonnng ago. And people still want to talk about it?!?!” Kim continued. “I lived through the embarrassment and fear, and decided to say who cares, do better, move on. I shouldn’t have to constantly be on the defense, listing off my accomplishments just to prove that I am more than something that happened 13 years ago. “Let’s move on, already. I have.”

Well, ignoring your sex tape would be the same as ignoring Jesus’ birth story . First, it’s how people knew you existed, and second, it’s the fabricated story your supreme ruler parent made up to jump start a big business. So you and Jesus have that in common. Both of your stories started with a vagina. Also, it’s not really a surprise that the “release” of your sex tape is now the gold standard template (NSFW)  for anybody who lacks any discernible talent to be famous otherwise. Your mom was really ahead of her time with that one. 

It’s 2016. The body-shaming and slut-shaming—it’s like, enough is enough. I will not live my life dictated by the issues you have with my sexuality. You be you and let me be me. I am a mother. I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, an entrepreneur and I am allowed to be sexy.

I understand you’ve attempted to create a construct where if anyone says anything negative here, it’s because they’re body-shaming and slut-shaming, but that might be true if this was your actual body. I’m not sure what the slut-shaming has to do with this. Maybe Kris Humphries would be more equipped to answer that one.  God bless.


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