Kris Jenner Is Satan
It’s easy to write that headline when I can pretty much hop on my laptop and have options. Like Kris Jenner “convincing” Rob Kardashian to get gastric bypass surgery. Or forcing Harry Styles to be on KUWTK if he wants to keep banging Kendall Jenner. Like, I could sit down, Google “Kris Jenner” on basically any given day and make this a daily thing. But I love you too much for that. So, I’m just gonna stick with this one.
Momager extraordinaire Kris Jenner was a guest on the most recent episode of Bachelor Live and fielded a fan question about which of her daughters, if single, she’d see as being most likely to start handing out roses. “It would be, ‘Who could I talk into it?'” Kris said. “I would say one of the younger ones, but Kendall wouldn’t go for it. I could talk them into it though.”
I’ll pause for a sec to let the hate flow through you. Say what you want about a dude named Tyga and what he does in his free time, but as of right now, Kylie Jenner has a boyfriend. Kim finally got married off and has successfully allowed Kris Lannister to join houses with Kanye West. Kourtney is 36 with three kids, but posts pictures of her naked ass on Instagram, because Kris Jenner needs to keep her Klout score up. I don’t know what Khloe’s doing. Probably doing extra work on Skull Island. And if you’ve spent any time in LA with people who have lived there for years, it’s pretty much common knowledge that Kris Jenner forced Kim Kardashian to make a sex tape. The way it came out and eventually released is pretty much the standard template now. To be fair, Kris Jenner does have a better business model than Chipotle. Maybe Rob can help them out. It wouldn’t hurt that dude to throw up once in a while.
To be honest, I’m not sure if I would give this a rose. I’d give it something else though probably if you get my meaning hey now!