Selena Gomez Is Going To Fix Justin Bieber
A day after a video surfaced of Justin Bieber pissing in a restuarant mop bucket because his bodyguard forgot to bring extra Pull-Ups, Selena Gomez has now agreed to take him back for the fourth time. Why? For the most woman reason ever. She's totally going to change him. TMZ reports:
But Justin — being the Casanova that he is — was able to change her mind … and on July 4th, we're told he won her back by promising to change his douche ways. Apparently, Selena bought it. We're told JB and his "Wild Kidz" goons have taken notice of the public backlash against their ridiculous behavior — hard not to — and they all decided to clean up their acts. Sounds like BS — considering Bieber's abysmal track record for making phony apologies and continuing to act like an oblivious self-important douche-baby — but our sources say Selena has always been an extremely positive influence on him … and if anyone can change him, it's her. You'll notice — Bieber's string of crappy behavior has almost perfectly coincided with him being single. Whenever he was with Selena, however, Bieber seems to retire his crown as Douche King, the Supreme and Unapologetic Leader of Doucheland, and act like a semi-gentleman.
I really can't feel bad for Selena Gomez at this point, because without Bieber she's just some Mexican chick who can sing. And they either get shot by the president of their fan clubs or perform for terrorists. So she actually need Bieber to remain famous, even though Bieber is a scrawny wigger in a wifebeater and a flat bill hat who likes wine coolers in his sippy cup. But still. She's a girl, and she hasn't figured out yet that she actually can't change dudes. Look, I don't advocate rape in any way (I mean, unless that's your thing, ladies), but if somebody could hold her down and inject her with some actual man penis, I feel like this would all be cleared up pretty quick.