The Oscars’ half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you’d imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I’m pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here’s who won:
Best Motion Picture – Drama
The DescendantsBest Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical
The ArtistBest Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
George Clooney, The DescendantsBest Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron LadyBest Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help
Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners
Best Director – Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, HugoBest Screenplay – Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:
George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I’m Dating George Clooney Don’t Know If You Heard:
Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:
Gerard Butler and oh look Jess’ ovaries just dropped and she’s knitting something now:
Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:
Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I’m sleepy :
Salma Hayek and Siri what’s Spanish for “motorboat”?:
Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that’s right tits:
