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Although it was a prison colony filled with kangaroos and Aborigines, Australia has produced some pretty cool stuff. Namely, my imaginary ex-girlfriend Sophie Turner and her damn near perfect body. I say “damn near” perfect, because all the dating seminars and DVDs I have say you should make a woman feel insecure so she’ll want to have sex with you. My instructor said I’ll get the hang of it once I can go into a bar and not run and hide when a woman talks to me. He says to just focus on my breathing. Awww yeah, Sophie! You hear that?! Won’t be long now!
Arm yourself with the best jokes for your large foreheaded frenemies.
