Selena Gomez Is Upset, Might Be Assassinated

As soon as Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber went public with their relationship, which I assume includes a lot of shopping and giggling, Gomez has been inundated with hate mail from Beiber’s psychotic fans in orthodontic headgear who are just learning how to handle their periods. At this year’s Vanity Fair party, it was reported that a fan actually punched Selena Gomez in the face (here she is in the car immediately after), so these little bitches aren’t fucking around. The Sun reports:

JUSTIN BIEBER has spent hours on the phone to his missus this week – because his fans are making her life a misery. SELENA GOMEZ has been calling the Canadian star in tears after receiving death threats from his groupies. The Disney sweetheart has been flooded with hate mail from her fella’s admirers – who call themselves Beliebers – ever since they attended The Vanity Fair Oscars party together in Hollywood last month. Selena said: “It’s hard. It hurts, it really does. “I don’t feel I’m doing anything wrong, I’ve been best friends with him for a very long time. “He’s been in my life for so long and it’s just nice to have someone that understands what you’re going through. “It does hurt my feelings a lot but I try not to focus on it – I have a strong family and great fans.”

Awww, Selena Gomez is as adorable as the Snuggle Bear holding a kitten in a unicorn Snuggie, so why would anybody want to hurt her? I wish I could take her on a picnic so we could talk. Just talk. And let her know that everything will be okay. And to let her know that I’m here for her. She’d be so grateful that she’d touch my hand softly and thank me with a big hug. You know, and then we’d hump.


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