Kelly Brook is one of the hottest pieces of ass to have ever walked the Earth, and even when she’s fully clothed and shopping, she’s gonna be the prettiest thing you see all day. The only way everybody on this street was not looking at her at that very moment would be if Gandalf was there helping helping Batman fix a flat on the Batmobile.
Gratuitous Kelly Brook, because yo, that’s just how I roll:
Kelly-Brook-Shopping
PAX EAST 2015: The Top 10 Games to Look Out For at PAX East
-
Final Fantasy XV (Square Enix)
Why: Final Fantasy might just be back.
As a Final Fantasy fan since childhood I've lost a lot of mind share with the franchise over the past decade. Thankfully, Final Fantasy XV is shaping up to be an extraordinary JRPG. It has a huge world that invites you to explore it, action-oriented combat not too dissimilar from Kingdom Hearts, and an expectedly beautiful presentation. That's just what we know so far, and our list of reasons to be excited is sure to grow once we get our hands on it at PAX East 2015.
-
Game 4 (The Behemoth)
Why: It's a strategy game by The Behemoth.
There's no way around it, Castle Crashers and BattleBlock Theater were fantastic games. The Behemoth is one of the best independent developers in the business, so when it says it has a new game in development you have every reason to want to check it out. Made better, its upcoming game, Game 4, is a turn-based strategy game. So, now it's hitting a genre that's been needing love for a few years. We can't wait to get our hands on it.
-
Guild Wars 2: Heart of Thorns (NCSoft)
Why: Guild Wars 2 was good.
There have been countless MMORPGs released during the past 10 years, only a small group of which are really worth your time. Guild Wars 2 is one of those few games, and an important one as it still stands as one of the better options in the genre. But monthly updates have only gone so far to keep the game fresh. The title's first expansion, Heart of Thorns, is going big by bringing a new profession, mastery system, as well as an array of PvE and PvP content.
-
Halo 5: Guardians (Microsoft)
Why: Halo 5's multiplayer is winning fans over.
The Halo 5: Guardians Multiplayer Beta was a huge hit. It effectively showed that 343 Industries is fully capable of making a proper next-generation Halo game. But the Beta was limited in content. So, at PAX East Microsoft will host 4v4 battles in its booth with new content, and might just share new information along the way.
-
Oculus Rift (Oculus VR)
Why: Virtual Reality is better than you think.
You might have noticed the slew of virtual reality headset announcements this week. Basically, virtual reality is almost here, and it's a big deal. Leading the charge is Oculus Rift, a device set to release this year. It'll be at PAX East along with a couple games to use it on. Don't be surprised if you hear some great things about it, once again.
-
Overwatch (Blizzard)
Why: Blizzard.
Overwatch was the big new announcement by Blizzard at last year's BlizzCon. For the most part, only those at the convention have gotten their hands on it. That'll change this weekend at PAX East when thousands of gamers are able to take part in its hero-based and team oriented first-person shooter arenas. We expect big things, and so should you.
-
Splatoon (Nintendo)
Why: It's Nintendo's new console IP.
Nintendo might not be bringing Wii U Zelda or Star Fox to PAX East, but it is bringing Splatoon. This is a game that looks like a whole lot of fun, and it's releasing in just a couple months. Also, it's a new IP from Nintendo. If it's as enjoyable to play as it appears, the first release is unlikely to be its last.
-
Steam Machines (Valve)
Why: Enjoy PC gaming in your living room.
This week Valve announced that Steam Machines will be arriving in November 2015. These are essentially a range of PCs that have been built for the living room. The platform hosted by SteamOS functions similar to a console, but brings with it the huge perks of PC gaming, such as having access to a large library at launch, having options for hardware, and being mod-able. At this year's PAX East AlienWare will be showing off its Steam Machine solution, and it's one of the most hyped of the bunch.
-
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (WB Games)
Why: It could just be GOTY.
The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is expected to be a game of the year 2015 contender with its progressive visuals, massive world, and exciting combat. PAX East will host a new showcase for the game, and you have every reason to be excited about it.
-
Xenoblade Chronicles 3D (Nintendo)
Why: It's a second chance to play Xenoblade Chronicles.
Xenoblade Chronicles was one of the best RPGs of the past decade. Sadly, many missed out on playing it since it was on the Wii. Now, it's making the transition to 3DS in the form of Xenoblade Chronicles 3D. It'll be playable at PAX East, so soon we'll find out how well it's making the jump to handheld.
TV's 10 Deadliest Monsters
-
10. Klaus
Portrayed by Joseph Morgan
For The CW fans, Niklaus Mikaelson aka Klaus was the ultimate villain on “The Vampire Diaries,” before becoming more of an anti-hero and eventually the star of his own series, “The Originals.”
Despite the fact that Klaus has killed many, many people onscreen, teenage girls seem to love him. That may be why his character has been relatively softened over the years. On this list, I consider him to be the “Diet Coke of Evil,” to paraphrase Dr. Evil himself.
-
9. Henry Parish
Portrayed by John Noble
Henry Parish is the most recently introduced character on this list, following his stint in the first season of “Sleepy Hollow.” It should come as no surprise to fans of “Fringe” that John Noble can pull off a terrifying villain. Noble’s alternate Walter Bishop was one of the most complex and fascinating villains on TV for several seasons.
As Henry Parish, Noble’s latest character was introduced as “The Sin Eater,” an ally of Ichabod Crane who saved his life. But in reality, Henry was Ichabod’s long-lost son, Jeremy, who turned on his parents and became the Horseman known as War.
One of the intriguing questions of “Sleepy Hollow” Season 2 is whether Henry/Jeremy can be saved from his own actions. But for creating such a devastating cliffhanger on “Sleepy Hollow” last season, Henry Parish earns his place on this list.
-
8. Sylar (Heroes Season 1)
Portrayed by Zachary Quinto
It should be noted that only the Sylar from the first season of “Heroes” is included on this list. From season 2 and on, Sylar lost his figurative bite as the “Heroes” creative team fell in love with Quinto’s performance and bent over backwards to keep him on the show. This included several misguided attempts to make Sylar into a heroic character.
But in “Heroes” season 1, Sylar was incredibly effective as the rarely seen serial killer who collected superpowers from his victims. Even before Quinto was cast in the role, Sylar had a tremendous sense of menace when he was portrayed by a stuntman with his face obscured.
Arguably, it was the casting of Quinto that first tarnished Sylar’s mystique. Once the faceless killer had a persona for the audience to latch on to, he was never as scary again.
-
7. Abaddon
Portrayed by Alaina Huffman
From “Supernatural” comes another recent inclusion on this list. Abaddon is a Knight of Hell who happened to be possessing the body of a woman named Josie Sands. Brought to the present day by accident, Abaddon was deliciously evil as she went on a bloody crusade to become the Queen of Hell.
Abaddon was such a great villain that she elevated some of season nine’s weaker moments. And Abaddon’s recent demise on the show was an unfortunate ending to her story. But this is “Supernatural,” so who knows if we’ve truly seen the end of Abaddon?
-
6. Delphine LaLaurie
Portrayed by Kathy Bates
Delphine LaLaurie is the only real person on this list. In the 19th century, LaLaurie was inadvertently unmasked as a someone who was involved with the torture and murder of her own slaves. Even in 1834, that s*** just didn’t fly and LaLaurie fled the country to escape justice.
On “American Horror Story: Coven,” Bates’ portrayed LaLaurie as a frightening woman who took joy in the torture of others despite being cursed with immortality. “Coven” flirted with the idea of making LaLaurie into a redeemable character before she re-embraced the darker aspects of her personality... which led LaLaurie on a path straight to hell.
-
5. Angelus
Portrayed by David Boreanaz
On “Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” Angel was the vampire with a soul who became Buffy’s first real lover. But once Buffy accidentally freed Angel from the curse of his soul, Angelus emerged as Buffy’s greatest enemy.
Long before Joss Whedon found mainstream success with The Avengers, “Buffy” Season 2 solidified his following with a loyal group of fans that were riveted by Angel’s evil persona. Unlike most TV villains of the era, Angelus didn’t hold back and he actually killed someone very close to Buffy and her mentor Giles.
Because Buffy truly loved Angel before his fall, Angelus was the most dangerous foe that she ever faced. And to save the world, Buffy had to send her lover to hell moments after he was cured of the Angelus persona.
-
4. Fiona Goode
Portrayed by Jessica Lange
Fiona was the Supreme Witch during “American Horror Story: Coven.” In theory, Fiona was supposed to teach and guide the next generation of witches while training her successor as Supreme.
In reality, Fiona ruthlessly attempted to hold on to her power and retain her relative youth. And she even killed witches whom she considered a threat to her position. There’s was nothing that Fiona wouldn’t do to maintain her power and appearance. Ultimately, that’s what destroyed her as well.
-
3. Russell Edgington
Portrayed by Denis O'Hare
“True Blood” hit a home run with the Vampire King Russell Edginton. Russell was extremely old and powerful for a vampire. And when Eric Northman murdered Russell’s lover to avenge his family, Russell went crazy as he murdered a newscaster on live TV before setting human and vampire relations back several years by promising to eat the humans and their children.
But at least Russell remembered to give the throw to the Weather Girl!
Russell was such a great villain that the “True Blood” creative team brought him back two seasons later. Russell’s second reign of terror wasn’t quite as impressive as his first, but he was one of the most memorable TV villains in years.
-
2. Trinity
Portrayed by John Lithgow
“Dexter” never came up with a better villain than Arthur Mitchell, aka Trinity. Dexter Morgan was fascinated by the way that the Trinity killer managed to balance his family life and his extracurricular activities and he befriended Trinity to see what he could learn from him.
But the truth is that Trinity was a bigger monster than Dexter realized and he terrorized his own family in addition to his appetite for killing women in their own bathtubs. Dexter eventually put Trinity down for good, but not before Trinity found and killed Detxer’s wife Rita, leaving Dexter to discover his bloodsoaked son, Harrison in a horrifying scene that was a grim reminder of Dexter’s ordeal when his own mother was murdered.
None of the killers that came after Trinity could match his intensity on “Dexter.” It remains the highpoint of that series.
-
1. Hannibal Lecter
Portrayed by Mads Mikkelsen
Somehow, Mads Mikkelsen has taken the role of Hannibal Lecter and emerged with a fresh take that isn’t overshadowed by Anthony Hopkins’ iconic performances in three of the feature films that adapted Thomas Harris’ novels. NBC’s ‘Hannibal” brings the good doctor into the modern era with an updated take on the title character.
Hannibal may not have any supernatural abilities, but his sense of smell and his intellect border on the verge of superhuman. Hannibal is also an excellent fighter and a master planner. Even very smart men like Will Graham and Jack Crawford find themselves unable to outmaneuver Hannibal or prove that he is the serial killer that they have been hunting for years.
The scariest thing about Hannibal is that he doesn’t value human life at all. Everyone might as well be a walking meat stand to Hannibal, who clearly enjoys cooking and eating his victims before occasionally serving them to others as well.
The man is pure evil. But that’s why he’s so much fun to watch.
Top 10 Ways to Know if You've Been Possessed
-
Your Projectile Vomit is Green
We’ve all been in situations where we happen to emit a vomit with so much force that it sprays across the room. That’s no big deal. Hell, it’s a regular Saturday night for most college students. But when that vomit’s color starts turning an unnatural glowing green? Even if it’s not a demon inside you, it’s probably time to visit some sort of doctor.
-
Your Head Can Spin Completely Around
Are you an owl? No? Then your head shouldn’t be able to spin a full 360˚. Well, unless you’ve got a crazy demon living inside of you. In that case, yeah, your head can probably do that.
-
You Can Speak Latin... Without Ever Learning Latin
Why do demons speak Latin anyway? It’s an archaic language that nobody can understand except for those people who were lame enough to take Latin in high school instead of a useful language. Regardless, if you find yourself angrily spouting off in some unknown, archaic tongue, it’s probably Latin and you probably need to call an exorcist.
-
You Black Out for Long Periods of Time
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of reasons that you might black out. Alcohol, sleep deprivation and mental illness are a few causes that come to mind. But, if this does happen to you, the question you have to ask yourself is, when I wake up, am I covered in blood? If so, you got a demon up inside of you… Or you’re a werewolf. Either way, sucks to be you.
-
You Can Crawl Up Walls
Yes, I realize that Spiderman can also climb up walls and he’s not possessed (or at least that’s not the reason that he can climb up walls), but there has to be an exception to every rule and he’s it. So, if you’re not Spiderman (and you’re not), and you can climb up walls, then you are possessed.
-
Cuts Spontaneously Appear on Your Palms
I’m not really sure why demons would simulate the wounds of Christ when they take over your body (pretty sure that they’re not super into that guy), but they do. If it looks like your hands just got run through with a stick used for roasting marshmallows, you might want to head to church.
-
Sometimes You Just Randomly Start Floating
There’s got to be a joke about getting high buried in here somewhere…
-
People Saying the Rosary Makes You Really, Really Angry
Let me be frank; I’m not a huge fan of people waving beads at me while they pray. But the difference between me and somebody with a demon lodged inside of them is that it doesn’t cause me physical pain and incite me into a murderous rage.
-
Holy Water Burns Your Skin
This is a pretty simple test. Keep a spray bottle of holy water with you at all times. If you ever think a demon wiggled its way into you, just give yourself a quick spray!
-
Sometimes Your Voice Gets Eerily Low and Threatening
Mind you, this can also happen when you smoke a pack a day for a few years…
