With the economy slowly starting to turn around, you might find yourself with some extra cash… Well, probably not, but you still need to protect the stuff that you do have, so let’s all take a lesson from RoboCop (coming to theaters on February 12th) and put some technology to use in an awesomely violent way.
For your pleasure, here are some of the coolest ways to protect your home.
Innovative Ways to Protect Your House
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1. Motion Sensor Machine Gun
Ah, old faithful. Just setup a motion detector next to all your doors and windows and wire them up to a few machine guns. If this doesn’t stop your neighborhood burglar from breaking into your house, you’re probably dealing with something way scarier than a robber.
Photo by Warrick Page/Getty Images
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2. British Robot Butler
It seems like every superhero has a British butler to protect the house when they’re away. More often than not, these guys end up getting kidnapped. Perhaps if we made them robots with some serious artillery, they’d be able to hold down the fort a little bit better.
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3. Electromagnetic Floors
On their own, electromagnetic floors might not seem like the best way to keep your house safe, but think about this way, if you attach metal plates to all of your valuables, the floor will never let them go. How is somebody going to steal your stuff when they’re stuck to the floor?
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4. Moat Full of Robot Piranhas
We know that you’ve always wanted a moat and we also know that you love piranhas. And how do we make everything better? Simple! Robots.
KIM JAE-HWAN/AFP/Getty Images
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5. Criminal-Background-Checking Surveillance Cameras
Surveillance cameras are so passé. Who cares if you can see whether or not people are on your property or in your house? They could be awesome people that take care of sick orphans for all you know! What you really need is a surveillance camera that will automatically tell you whether or not somebody is a bad guy. Boom! Background-checking cameras.
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6. Flying House
This one is based on a pretty simple principle: if the bad guys can’t get into your house, then they can’t steal from your house.
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7. Laser-Guided Poison Dart Trap
We all loved that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indie triggers a trap that shoots a bunch of darts. But guess what, they all miss! Solution? Make them laser-guided. Easiest way to stop any home-invader… Or Indiana Jones.
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8. Micro Explosives
Just set them up on every piece of valuable property that you own and as soon as they leave your house… KABOOM. It won’t save you from getting robbed, but it might deter some would-be criminals after the first person to test out your system gets vaporized.
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9. Panic Room with Automatic Trigger
This one could be particularly cool. It’s a fairly simple idea, create a panic room that, when triggered, utilizes a series of tubes and pipes to funnel all of your valuables inside. That way, a thief is left only with a big house full of Rice Krispies and Magic: The Gathering cards.
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10. Cyborg Security Guard
If cyborgs are half as effective as Robocop, we’re going to bet that they are your home’s best line of defense. Let’s just hope that the bad guys don’t hire their own cyborg villain to attack your house. Otherwise… Well, that might actually be pretty cool.
