Superhero origin stories aren’t usually the most exciting aspect of a hero’s adventures. Often, they’re downright boring. Parents murdered? Yawn. Radioactive chemicals to the face? Heard it.
In honor of the Blu-ray/DVD release of Kick Ass 2 (hitting Australian store shelves Dec. 18), we’d like to share the 10 best reasons for a person to become a superhero.
Top 10 Best Reasons to be a Superhero
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1. Shark Eats Your Sister
This one is pretty simple. Your sister was swimming in the ocean one day when, BAM, she gets sharked. And after a few weeks of mourning you decide to go after that shark and every other filthy, evil shark-like creature on the planet.
Superhero Name: Jawbreaker
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2. Parents Were Swindled in a Ponzi Scheme
Oh, the ruthless ponzi scheme. Where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. It’s like the inverse of Robin Hood. So when your folks fell victim to this horrible plot, you took it upon yourself to make sure that nobody ever suffered from this malicious bookkeeping scam ever again.
Superhero Name: The Accountable
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3. Discover a Superhuman Talent to Play Video Games
You were minding your own business, playing your favorite first-person shooter, and you realized that you were the best. Now, this could be the product of hundreds of thousands of hours of playtime over the past few years, but you chalked it up to your own innate, genetic mutation. Now you play games 24 hours a day (as a service to humanity).
Superhero Name: The Powerglove
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4. Inherit Enough Money to Buy a 3D Printer
When your grandparents died, they left you just enough money to buy a 3D printer. You quickly realized, “Hey, I can print some armor and weapons with this thing!” A superhero is born.
Superhero Name: The Third Dimension
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5. Cell Phone Gave You a Tumor that Allows You to Alter People’s Feelings
We know that cell phones will eventually give everybody’s brains cancer, but, luckily for you, your tumor allows you to implant thoughts into other peoples’ brains! You become determined to make sure that everybody gets cancer so that they can be as lucky as you!
Superhero Name: Melanoma Man
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6. Lost Your Job
You lose your job and are bored. Might as well run around in some spandex and attempt to fight crime. Hell, you might even get a few tips from thankful citizens!
Superhero Name:The Couch Potato
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7. Found a Serious Interest in Parkour
There is nothing cooler than a superhero that can do parkour. So, if you happen to know and/or learn parkour, fighting crime would probably be the best way to use that skill.
Superhero Name: Parkour
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8. Realized a Love for Cosplay
Some of us like to dress up on Halloween and some of us like to dress up for parties, but there are those who, if they could, would constantly be wearing some sort of crazy, elaborate costume. Superhero work is about the only way to put that passion to good use.
Superhero Name: The LARPer
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9. Accidentally Killed a Robber
So you’re minding your own business at a bank and BOOM, a dude in a mask runs straight into you. He trips over himself and fires his gun wildly into the air. Unfortunately for him, lots of the bullets landed square in his chest. Luckily for you, you’ve just found a new profession.
Superhero Name: Serendipity
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10. Mistook Comic Books as Instructional Guides
There has got to be at least a few people who don’t realize that comic books are pieces of fictional fantasy, right? They’re basically manuals for crime fighting. They even have pictures for ease of use!
Superhero Name: Miss Information
