Trolling #14: Loki SUCKS!

Welcome to Trolling, my dear internet geeks, the moist underground cyber-grotto where online hatred is amplified to godlike extremes. It is here, in this dark wet cave, that hatred begins. I am an amphibious, sharp-toothed, devolving newt man, feeding off desiccated fish corpses, empty cans of Tecate, and pure chunks of hatred. I often shun the light, only emerging into the surface world to openly and happily declare that what you hate is actually lovable, and what you love ought to be hated. This week, I’ll be tearing down a movie character everyone adores. Loki is on the chopping block, my frenemies.

Why do people like Loki? Really, I don’t get it. Of the characters to come out of the recent cinematic Marvel Studios cycle (y’know, the overbloated, overexposed one with far too much acclaim), the villainous Loki – as played by British actor Tom Hiddleston – has been the second breakthrough star after Iron Man. Sure some people claim to like the Thor movies, and the Captain America movie does its job well enough I suppose, but Loki has become a legitimate phenomenon unto himself. He has now been featured in three live-action movies (Thor, The Avengers, and Thor: the Dark World) and both critics and fans of the series can agree that Loki is one of the best parts of these films.

But is he really all that great? Indeed, could it be that he sucks? I don’t understand why so many people have flocked to the character. People see him as sympathetic, wonderfully malignant, cartoonishly evil, wounded and relatable, and – most baffling of all – sexually arousing. I would argue that he is perhaps none of these things because, at the character’s very core, he is poorly written and ill-defined. Let Trolling take the piss, my friends. Because the piss is the best thing to take.

Um, maybe ignore that last sentence. Let’s explore why Loki SUCKS.  

 

Credit where credit is due: Tom Hiddleston is an appealing screen presence, and seems to give Loki some sort of panache; he’s very good at shouting silly dialogue and narrowing his eyes. But Hiddleston just can’t make Loki come to life in any significant way. Loki is a lame, lame villain who doesn’t seem strong or evil because he doesn’t have any clear goals. Remember how the Joker was devoted to chaos? Or how Bullseye was devoted to his craft? Or even how The Green Goblin was devoted to his own insanity? Or how Magneto is devoted to his principals? Or how Venom is devoted to revenge? Or Dr. Doom is devoted to acquiring superpowers and getting revenge? Even the villains in Ghost Rider were more interesting, because we knew they were boilerplate evil, and at least that’s something.

What is Loki devoted to? What is he getting revenge for? What principals does he stand for? What is he good at? How mad is he? The answer: No one thought of those answers.

Until next week, let the hate mail flow.


Witney Seibold is a featured contributor on the CraveOnline Film Channel, and co-host of The B-Movies Podcast. You can read his weekly articles Trolling, Free Film School and The Series Project, and follow him on “Twitter” at @WitneySeibold, where he is slowly losing his mind. 

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