Exclusive Interview | Ted Talks About ‘Issues and Stuff’

Since exploding onto the scene as America’s favorite talking bear, Ted has been an influential, if not polarizing figure both onscreen and online. His fervent following obsesses over his every uploaded photo, and hangs on his every word. They laugh with him, cry with him, and get really hungry after watching Law and Order while really stoned, just like he does. He is both a master of social media, and a simple, down-home best buddy you wouldn’t mind sharing a few cold ones with.

But who is the real Ted? Is he the adventuring, beer-swilling good-time bear he plays onscreen…or a deep, thoughtful, 4:00am armchair philosopher? Or perhaps, like the wiliest of politicians, a little of both?

(Ted 2 is now available on home video, by the way.)

CraveOnline: Ted, let’s get existential for a moment. Why are you here? 

TED: Why are any of us here? I was born on Christmas Day, presumably to put a smile on a young boy’s face. You know, whenever I say that out loud, it sounds really creepy. Anyway, I loved your interview with Spike Lee, and so naturally I wanted you to interview me. You know, about issues and stuff.

Issues like Animal Rights?

I am very much in favor of animal rights. Most of the time, I like animals better than most people. My friend Sam has a Boston terrier that always tries to hump my leg. He pretends I’m a lady terrier, and, well, I let him pretend.

How about fur?

I love my fur. Sure, it get’s uncomfortable in the summer, and it does bunch up under a wool suit, but I am proud of my fur, and I think that everyone who has fur should be proud, unless they took it off of another creature. That’s just wrong.

In your films, we’ve seen you wear a fashionable tuxedo, and we’ve also seen you au naturale. As someone who truly doesn’t have to get dressed unless he wants to, what is your take on the world of fashion?

To me, Fashion is not WHAT you wear, but HOW you wear it. Take Frank Sinatra. A hat literally made the man. And that guy from Cheap Trick? A cardigan sweater and a bow tie. Now take me. I rarely wear pants. Not because I’m between sizes, but because I CHOOSE not to. It’s literally my fashion statement.

As a bear in Hollywood, you meet a lot of women. Can you give us any love advice?

Yes. Redheads are fiery seductresses sent from hell to cause trouble. Always choose the brunette. If Gilligan’s Island has taught us anything, it’s always go for the Brunette. Boom. You’re welcome.

Speaking of sex, has fame changed the game for you, so to speak? 

No. Fame has given me access to some of the most beautiful and sought-after women in the world, but at the end of the day, I’m a simple bear who enjoys the simple pleasures. The Ted onscreen is not so different from the Ted right here.

Who do you think will win the 2016 Presidential election?

Me. In a landslide.

Photo: Universal Pictures