Patrick Swayze Has Five Weeks To Live

The National Enquirer has learned that doctors have given Patrick Swayze five weeks to live after pancreatic cancer has spread to other organs. Swayze, who lost 20 pounds in the last few weeks, underwent three rounds of chemotherapy that failed to shrink the tumor. Shit.

For the past month, Patrick, 55, has been traveling to Stanford University’s prestigious cancer center in Palo Alto for radical chemotherapy, but his doctors are no longer optimistic that the treatments will be successful….He received three doses of chemotherapy and the tumor shrank, but less than his doctors had hoped for – and Patrick was told he should prepare for the end. “He was told he could have two more treatments, but his cancer was not responding. In short – they held out little hope for a cure,” said an insider.”

Well, that sucks. The star of freakin’ Red Dawn has five weeks to live, but STDs haven’t melted Paris Hilton’s brain yet. Yeah, that seems fair. Thanks life.

And his name…is Dalton:


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