Marilyn Manson is Too Drunk

Marilyn Manson and his wife, burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese, separated about two weeks ago and the reasons for the split are starting to hit the gossip world. Dita allegedly left Manson because of his hard partying and heavy drinking. Manson was so drunk, he didn’t even realize his wife had left him. And, naturally, Lindsay Lohan managed to whore herself into this story.

Manson had reportedly enjoyed wild party nights with Hollywood’s wildest child, Lindsay Lohan. She “was always ringing up the house wanting to come round and party with him,” a source told the London Sun. “The phone would go all through the night, with people turning up at the house to hang out.” Lohan’s rep, Leslie Sloane, said the story is “not true.”

Dita Von Teese has a black belt in burlesque dancing so hopefully she’ll kick Lindsay Lohan’s ass. I don’t know how that would work. A sexy high kick to Lindsay’s face would be nice or maybe Dita could smother Lindsay to death with her boobs. Isn’t there some sort of volunteer program for beheadings over there in Iraq? Can we like call the insurgents and say, “Hey, don’t bother with that innocent tank mechanic guy, we have this famous freckled whore over here who’d look great in your next video.” Then they’d say, “No, we do not want you to send us your garbage, you stinky butthole Americans!” Did you pick up on my awesome Arabic accent there? You thought that was really an Iraqi talking, didn’t you? I know. I’m good.



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