I have no idea why Christina is wearing a tiara and leaning on a motorcycle in these pictures, but I can only assume it’s because she wants to divorce Jordan Bratman. She’s a princess who can only flirt and stand next to sexual power, she can never actually get on and ride. Christina Aguilera is the Hoover Dam, Jordan Bratman is a battery hooked up to a stationary bike that the villagers have to take turns pedaling. Yet, he still managed to pull off one of the greatest upsets of all time. This ape convincing Christina to have sex with him, much less marry him, is like your office softball team convincing Albert Pujols to bat clean up.
Arm yourself with the best jokes for your large foreheaded frenemies.