Tara Reid Wasn’t Drunk Yet

Oh, Tara. Who wiped their ass on your head? Was it Kelly Osbourne? No matter. That skid mark was worth one or two pictures of actually, finally, sorta not looking like a drunken, beat up, rusty trash can in a couple pictures. And that’s only because you’re standing next to Kelly Osbourne. I’m really more concerned with who stole your butt cheeks. Was it Dr. Suckit? You really need to get a plastic surgeon with better aim when he’s performing his frequent liposuction surgeries on that stomach. Once he’s penetrating your butt like that when you’re passed out, he’s behaving like most of my boyfriends. At least they said “please”. And I have proof on the grainy, night vision videos they showed me when I regained consciousness.