There was a time when I couldn’t make it through a full episode of Lizzie McGuire because I felt guilty about what was going on inside my heart and my pants. Now, my can’t miss prospect looks like she surived a nuclear spill and could bite through lead. Sorry Hilary, but a gigantic veneers and the crash diet which stole your breasts will never win you any beauty contests, and more to the point, erections. On the other hand, Haylie Duff has always been the ugly one and she sorta reminds me of Janice on Friends. Her layout in Maxim didn’t trick my penis, but at least she has a decent sized rack. That’s always a plus and it makes a good counterpoint to her profile headshots. If I asked her for directions, I would fully expect her to say, “Follow me nose, it always knows!”
Arm yourself with the best jokes for your large foreheaded frenemies.