Tom Cruise Denies and Dangles

I debated whether or not to comment on the Life & Style cover story claiming Tom and Katie have broken up and Tom’s publicist’s official denial to the Associated Press, but I decided to go ahead and do it. They’re both bullshit. You can’t break up or deny your breakup when you’re not even “together” (in the two people genuinely in love sense of the word) in the first place. Now there is word that other gossip rags are begging Tom to let them print an exclusive “we really are in love” story which I’m sure will include a bunch of awkward kissy/grabby pictures. Of course this is to get on Tom’s good side so they can be the ones with the Tom and Katie exclusive baby photos. The real deal here is there is very likely a contract between Tom and Katie in which she agrees to be his beard for X amount of years in exchange for guaranteed movie roles and a lifetime of wealth. Casting directors don’t want Katie because she’s boring and stale like 2 year old sugar-free sugar cookie, so she seems cool with being the next Debbie Rowe. It’s by far her best acting performance to date.

In other Cruise, Tom’s publicists let him out of his cage and took his muzzle off long enough to let him attend a Kanye West concert where he quickly drew attention away from the stage and toward himself when he dangled off a nine foot high V.I.P. balcony and screamed like a 12 year old fan-girl when he heard a song he liked. Kanye West is on the soundtrack for Tom’s new Mission Impossible movie, so that’s why he was there. But he didn’t leave without trying to convert several concert-goers to Scientology. You can call Tom a lot of things, but don’t call Tom “greedy.” He’s always willing to give you crap you don’t want or need. Kinda like a cat who gives you a dead mouse or a love bite from Cujo.

There they are a month ago today: