I Don’t Watch the Golden Globes

I missed the Golden Globes last night, as I do every year, but my girlfriend was nice enough to record it for me. Despite what you might think, I don’t know how long my DVR will stay on pause, but I guess Scarlett Johannson‘s rack in this dress will make for a good first test. I’ve been trying all morning to get it where she arches her back at the highest point, but I have trouble doing two things at once.

Is it just me, or didn’t Reese Witherspoon used to have boobs? She did, right? I think the guy in pic #3 with the camera noticed that too. I hope he’ll Photoshop in some bangs or something.

Okay, so I want to marry Jessica Alba now. I have seen hundreds of pictures of this chick, but I can’t recall any other time she has looked this hot. Maybe Jennifer Love Hewitt was right. Sex with a woman should be about an emotional connection between two people. Wow, she gets a little clingy afterward. Sorry about the black eye, baby.