Siegfried is getting sued

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Access Hollywood is reporting Siegfried Fischbacher, the still functioning half of everyone’s favorite fabulous old foreign magician duo Siegfried & Roy, is being sued in a Las Vegas court by some douche who claims that Siegfried was drugging Roy excessively against his will following the famous tiger mauling, and when said douche tried to protect Roy, he was fired.

True story: I know a guy who was working construction at the Siegfried & Roy compound, and he got fired because he stared at the recuperating Roy for like 5 seconds too long, so I doubt that the douche’s story is all that credible. It’s pretty obvious to me that Siegfried loves that Roy like a tiger loves to bite people on the neck.

I have had my team of legal experts analyze the lawsuit, and they have advised me of the following:

1. It is impossible to have a will of any kind when you are a turnip.

V. The Rule Against Perpetuities probably does not apply to this case.

F. Douches file crappy lawsuits against rich people all the time.

9er. After a tiger mauling, the nicest thing you can do for the “maulee” is give him excessive amounts of drugs.