Teri Hatcher has sex in vans

According to a report on this mornings Female First UK:

Teri Hatcher makes love in an old van parked in her garden – to stop her seven-year-old daughter accidentally interrupting proceedings. The ‘Desperate Housewives’ actress admits she has been inviting dates back to her “passion wagon” in the driveway of her luxury mansion. She is quoted as saying: “I’ve had that battered VW van for years I think it’s sexy and hot to get to grips with a guy in my passion wagon. When my van’s a rocking, don’t come knocking!”

I’m much less interested in that than I am the fact the Teri Hatcher has gotten so insane with the Botox she now has all the expressive movement of a burn victim. I had a buddy who had his nose bitten off in a fight one time, and we saved it in a cup of beer and took him to the hospital and had it re-attached, but the skin died and his nose turned black and he eventually had to get a skin graph from his forehead – and his nose still looked more human than Teri Hatcher’s. It’s really freakin creepy to see what she has turned into. She was never any stunning beauty, but she always looked kind of fresh-faced and natural. Now she looks like an unkillable mummy. I’m not trying to imply that she is an unkillable mummy, I’m saying, yes, she is an unkillable mummy.

As an aside, the “I got your nose” joke gets really funny when you do it to someone whose nose does, in fact, occasionally fall off. Another fun thing to do – after the skin dies and their nose turns black – is to get them drunk and take pictures of them in a Mickey Mouse hat. It’s like you’re friends with Micky Mouse! And who wouldn’t love that!