Hair color matters

I’m a devastatingly handsome man. I’m also hilarious and a fox in bed, so the color of my hair has never been any kind of deal breaker with the ladies. But I’m starting to realize that it’s a pretty big deal for girls. Ashlee Simpson went from talentless goth freak to talentless hottie with one decent dye job. Mena Suvari was pretty forgettable as a blond, but now she’s borderline amazing as a brunette.

And this all leads me back to Britney, because she and Jenna Jameson have both been rockin the brown hair lately. They basically have the same job – prance around on video like a slut – the only difference being Jenna usually has better music. If anyone can tell me how Britney – who is 24 and a billionaire – can look more used up, drugged out and road weary than Jenna – who is 33 and a professional whore – I’m more that happy to listen. And I don’t mean ‘professional whore’ as some sort of euphemism, I mean she’s an actual whore. If you have 200 dollars and an AIDS test, she will fuck you. For 225, she’ll do it in front of her parents.

And maybe the comparison pictures at the bottom aren’t completely fair since the Britney ones are just some random paparazzi stuff, so here is a high res shot of Britney. And here is a high res shot of Jenna. Just look at their face, the skin tone, the complexion, the general health of these two. If you look more ragged than a girl who is ten years older than you and she’s spent those ten years getting trained by a town full of random guys, things have gone wrong. You might wanna pick up some Montana brochures or somethin’*.

* – anyone…