A 32-Year-Old Man Gets Way Too Honest About His Trip To See ‘Beauty And The Beast’
Sure, I may have my fair share of gray hairs, and, yes, I may not know what a Snapchat is, and, yes of course, my weekends have dried up to cuddling with my favorite books. But goddammit, I’m not so old I can’t throw down responsibility on a Tuesday night and go see the live action remake of a Disney classic, especially when it’s Beauty and the Beast, a beautiful and enchanting Emma Watson-filled musical (honestly, did not know there’d be so many frickin’ songs). Were you hoping to see the film through the eyes of an entertainment-experienced 32-year-old man-child who sometimes lightly indulges in cannabis and forgets where he is? Well, friends, this your lucky day.
The film, starring Emma Watson as the elegant village girl and slightly outcasted bookwork, Belle, along with a bunch of other A-list celebrities (“A” standing for thick accents), was going to undoubtedly be a winner, but there were a few things I wasn’t expecting along the way. Now join me for what proved to be an awkward night at the movies where a couple hundred people let their kids stay up way too late just to drive me bat-shit crazy, as I give you the movie from my twisted, perverse point of view.
Was the parking lot full? Absolutely. Was the line to get a tiny tub of overpriced popcorn outstandingly long? Of course. But in the end, was I happy I saw the movie? Let’s just say, I give this Disney movie my highest grade: the Mandatory Movie Seal of Approval. Now enjoy some refreshingly rebooted Stockholm Syndrome, brought to you by Disney and a shit-ton of money.