Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?

For every amazing band you discover, there are about 10 absolute shit bands who are infinitely more successful. The logistics for this disparity can vary but is likely attributed to the budget allotted to promote/market said artist. Talent probably should be a key factor for many artists’ popularity, but evidently, talent alone just isn’t enough.

This sentiment couldn’t be truer for the following bands who were once incredibly successful (due to a hit track, album), but have fallen off the charts and have become a punch line over time. But just because they’re relatively unknown now doesn’t mean they didn’t earn a lofty living while in the spotlight. To find out just how successful these bands were, I’ve provided album sales for each album released by 10 former frolicking bands and musicians.

To find out these numbers, I — a writer who choses to be a writer because he sucks at math — did some math. According to Fusion, artists only collect roughly five percent of each album sold, as most of the money goes to distributors, the label and so on. So, after summing up all of the records sold (statistics which were very hard to find), I’ve found out — roughly — the profits each artist collected on these sales.

The totals provided are the sums of money earned from record sales in the U.S. alone. So realistically, this number could be doubled when looked at worldwide, in addition to the fact that these bands have toured, sold merch and so on. In other words: every one of the artists below were filthy rich at some point.

1. Spin Doctors
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“Pocket Full of Kryptonite” (1991): 5,000,000
“Turn It Upside Down” (1994): 1,000,000
“You’ve Got to Believe in Something” (1996): 75,000
“Here Comes the Bride” (1999): NA
“Nice Talking to Me” (2005): NA
“If the River Was Whiskey” (2013) NA
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $3,037,500.00

2. Limp Bizkit
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“Three Dollar Bill, Y’all$” (1997): 2,000,000
“Significant Other” (1999): 7,000,000
“Chocolate Starfish and Hot Dog Flavored Water” (2000): 8,000,000
“Results May Vary” (2003): 1,500,000
“The Unquestionable Truth” (2005): 400,000
“Gold Cobra” (2011): 250,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $10,375,000.00

3. Creed
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“My Own Prison” (1997): 6,500,000
“Human Clay” (1999): 11,690,000
“Weathered” (2001): 6,400,000
“Full Circle” (2009): 444,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $25,034,000.00

4. Nickelback
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“Silver Side Up” (2001): 5,528,000
“The Long Road” (2003): 3,591,000
“All The Right Reasons” (2005): 7,910,000
“Dark Horse” (2008): 3,000,000
“Here and Now” (2011): 2,000,000 (this is worldwide)
“No Fixed Address” (2014) 58,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $11,043,500.00

5. Pussycat Dolls
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“PCD” (2005): 2,900,000
“Doll Domination” (2008): 400,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $1,650,000

6. Jonas Brothers
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“It’s About Time” (2006): 123,000
“Jonas Brothers” (2007): 2,409,000
“A Little Bit Longer” (2008): 2,082,000
“Lines, Vines and Trying Times” (2009): 757,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $2,685,500.00

7. Linkin Park
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“Hybrid Theory” (2000): 11,048,000
“Meteora” (2003): 6,100,000
“Minutes to Midnight” (2007): 3,300,000
“A Thousand Suns” (2010): 906,000
“Living Things” (2012): 681,000
“The Hunting Party” (2014): 300,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $11,167,500.00

8. Daughtry
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“Daughtry” (2006): 5,040,000
“Leave This Town” (2009): 1,357,000
“Break the Spell” (2011): 513,000
“Baptized” (2013) 270,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $3,590,000.00

9. 3 Doors Down
Just How Successful Were These Shitty Bands?
“The Better Life” (2000): 5,653,000
“Away from the Sun” (2002): 3,863,000
“Seventeen Days” (2005): 1,434,000
“3 Doors Down” (2008): 820,000
“Time of My Life” (2011): 225,000
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $5,997,500.00

10. Ace of Base

“Happy Nation” (1992): 21,000,000 (worldwide)
“The Sign” (1993): NA (worldwide)
“The Bridge” (1995): 5,000,000 (worldwide)
“Flowers” (1998): 2,000,000 (worldwide)
“Cruel Summer” (1998): NA
“Da Capo” (2002): 500,000 (worldwide)
“The Golden Ratio” (2010): NA
Total collected in record sales (roughly): $14,250,000.00