The Most Hilariously Rotten Reviews For The Worst Movies On Rotten Tomatoes
Have you ever seen a film so bad you wanted to throw actual tomatoes at it? Some of the most rotten films are given the most rotten reviews — and rightfully so — but often times the ones given to bad movies are so funny you can’t help but enjoy them more than the film itself. Here are some of those reviews from Rotten Tomatoes’ top critics, unabashed and dead-on to the point of vocalized “hell yeahs!” resounding throughout your living room.
Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (0%)
Post-“Growing Pains” Kirk Cameron already had a Jesus freak complex, but his ignorantly misguided attempt to ruin an irreplaceable holiday like Christmas was god-awful at best.
The Room (35%)
Known for being so bad, it’s good, “The Room” is one of those movies where every scene ends with you screaming “what!?”
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (5%)
Ridiculed for its inability to realize its “Die Hard” parody moments, Kevin James returns as the out of shape rent-a-cop for another round of torturous, poorly conceived mall security antics. It’s like “Grown Ups 2” without the star-studded ensemble.
Troll 2 (6%)
Aside from making little to no sense, the popcorn scene is a real erotic thriller. Despite the original 1986 film’s horrid reviews, they managed to squeeze two sequels out of it in 1990, neither of which has much purpose. But the second one notoriously takes the cake as one of the worst films in history. I wouldn’t even know how to go about reviewing it myself.
Batman & Robin (11%)
George Clooney only appeared as the Caped Crusader for a single film in the Batman franchise, and even that was one too many. Even with the addition of Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone), Mr. Freeze (Arnold!) and Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman), the film still managed to poison the well with its bright theatrics and low budget action before the plug was pulled. Nothing could help you, George. Nothing!
Jack and Jill (3%)
The only thing worse than an Adam Sandler film these days is one with two Adam Sandlers. You can’t find anybody dumb enough to watch his movies anymore, as even their trailers look terrible and fail to sell. Despite somehow costing $79 million to make — more than $10 million reportedly went to Sandler — the film was still a success, prompting future vomit to be spewed from the bowels of Adam. It received 10 Razzie accolades, however. Much deserved.
Ironically, this film captures Ben Affleck when he was unlovable and J-Lo when she was at the top of her game. Though their life roles have switched and the two are no longer together, their disabled love child of a film still lives on in infamy.
After “Blue Chips,” Shaq thought he’d proven his worth as an actor, but he was dead wrong when this failed “Space Jam” attempt threw up a brick. That was pretty much it for the retired NBA star’s film career. That is, until Sandler added him to his crew of man-children.
Problem Child (4%)
I always thought it was a great movie, but apparently adults weren’t raving about it. The film featured a young Michael Richards before his “Seinfeld” days, as well as John Ritter in his late prime. The film went on to have a slightly better reviewed sequel, adding an extra problem child to the mix.
Snakes on a Plane (68%)
Original in its conception but laughable all the way, Samuel L. Jackson outdid himself with this comical horror movie. I was personally on the red carpet for this film when it came out, and when offered to go inside with the rest of Hollywood, I’m proud to say I withdrew from the evening.
The Happening (17%)
M. Night Shyamalan got carried away after a few big successes before tanking with films like “Lady in the Water” and “The Village.” “The Happening” was supposedly going to be his resurrection, but instead buried him a little deeper. How no one called him out on this before it was released is anyone’s guess.
Street Fighter (12%)
The biggest prolem people had with this ’90s film was its inability to capture the magic of the ’80s video game. That, and Jean-Claude Van Damme was atrocious. Any fan of the game had to bear witness to this travesty, but otherwise you would’ve been smart to take a pass.
Whenever you saw the box in the video store, you always thought something magical was inside as you cautiously stared while trying not to get caught your parents. However, if you had asked, your folks could’ve probably told you that it was a low grade porn without the payoff. Maybe your dad would’ve let you look at his Playboys in the garage instead.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (9%)
It would appear Nic Cage has a thing for starring in movies with skulls. The only downside to this one: he’s doing it without Eva Mendes! Although Violante Placido is still pretty smoking hot, this film couldn’t be saved by the Devil himself. Following the poorly reviewed original, along with “Drive Angry,” another testosterone-pumping Cage flop from 2011, this movie could almost be categorized as horror due to our inability to remove it from our conscious memory space.
Fantastic Four (9%)
The original films were bombs, so what made anyone think this would go any better without the great Michael Chiklis? Mixing a talented young cast with a cheesy script — the moldy kind — even director Josh Trank knew it was shit and spoke poorly of it publicly, abandoning all responsibility before the film was released. But big ups to Michael B. Jordan; we’ll definitely go see “Creed” when it hits with the rest of the fall films lineup.