The 10 Worst Celebrities of 2014

The following folks made the cut for most annoying people of the year. Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, and Taylor Swift weren’t included because I felt they were too easy. Let me remind you this is one man’s opinion, and nothing else. So please don’t yell at me or I’ll cry.

10. Kirk Cameron

Well…it was the most wonderful time of the year. Until Kirk Cameron came along and placed his religious soapbox on the ground and got on top of it. In this case, his soapbox came in the form of yet another horrible holiday movie called “Saving Christmas”. In an attempt to beef up the film’s horrible ratings, he asked his devoted fans to head over to Rotten Tomatoes and give it positive reviews. But the trolls of the internet would, thankfully, never let that happen. They made their way over and helped keep “Saving Christmas” where it deserves to be. The movie has a 0% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and currently holds the title of worst movie on IMDB. Of course, the actor formerly known as Mike Seaver blames it all on an atheist conspiracy.

9. Macklemore

After Macklemore and BFF Ryan Lewis won the Grammy for Best New Artists, the universe collectively groaned when he posted a self-flagellating Instagram pic of his text to Kendrick Lamar apologizing for his victory: “You got robbed,” the faux-hawked asshole said.

“Same Love” took them to new heights, a cute ode to cultural sensitivity which won them praise internationally. But Macklemore couldn’t walk the walk as he went on stage in Seattle dressed as a caricature of a Jew, having to later apologize to the Anti-Defamation League. He and Lewis hunkered down for awhile until other unflattering gaffs resurfaced, this one from Twitter in June 2009: “watching dykes vs. drag queens play baseball on the hill…this sucks.” Although it all turned out to be a misunderstanding of sorts, it still seemed an insensitive choice for someone who would come to be known for a song about gay and lesbian rights. All of that aside, he deserves to be on here for that haircut alone.

8. Russell Brand

Russell Brand fancies himself as “part of the solution.” In his anti-establishment book “Revolution” published by rich establishment Penguin Random House, the actor-comedian-a**hole proselytizes about the “corporate tyranny, ecological irresponsibility, and economic inequality” plaguing America. Writing from his quaint Hollywood Hills nook, it apparently never occurred to him that his $15 million net worth isn’t exactly part of the average struggle.

He slams religion: “The lumbering monotheistic faiths have given us millennia of grief for a handful of prayers and some sparkly rituals.” Now I’m no Bible student, but it seems Brand wants nothing more than to spit fiery sermons high atop his soapbox like a religious preacher. He calls for “global revolution involving radical wealth redistribution,” but I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for him to cough up half his one-percenter salary. Brand is a cringe-worthy contradiction.

7. Nancy Grace

Grace deserves the 21st Century Award for Most Annoying Human … 86 years early. Everyone hates her, and for good reason.

In April, when The Ultimate Warrior died, Grace leaped onto the story like a pig in sh*t. She launched into sensationalist mode detailing the “prolific death count” of wrestlers who have succumbed to fatal drug abuse. The examples she gave, however, showed a glaring lack of journalistic integrity. Watch the death scroll in the video.

Most wrestlers’ deaths had nothing to do with drugs:

Mike Von Erich committed suicide; DJ Peterson crashed his motorcycle; Owen Hart fell 78 feet; Big Dick Dudley died of kidney failure; and Mark Curtis perished from cancer. In the words of comedian Jim Norton, Nancy Grace is a lying pig-vulture.

6. Donald Sterling

On “AC360”:

Donald Sterling: “Big Magic Johnson, what has he done?”

Anderson Cooper: “Well, he’s a businessperson, he-“

Donald Sterling: “HE’S GOT AIDS.”

Watching a borderline-senile octogenarian billionaire fall into the irredeemable clutches of the PC Police is highly entertaining. I laughed a lot. He went on Anderson Cooper and attacked Magic Johnson for having AIDS. Cooper corrected him: “He has HIV. I don’t think he has full-blown AIDS.” Then Sterling cried.

A 2009 NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award couldn’t save him — and neither could his public plea to consider Magic Johnson’s AIDS.

5. Willow & Jaden Smith

The Smiths are astrophysicists without the proper training. They are latter-day philosophers with a more intimate understanding of the universe than you, and if you disagree, you’re just an idiot.

From Jaden Smith’s Twitter, written like an asshole with each word capitalized:

“All The Rules In This World Were Made By Someone No Smarter Than You. So Make Your Own.”

“If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have a Much More Intelligent Society.”

“I Only Apply To The Sixth Amendment.”

Coming at you like Neo from “The Matrix,” Jaden actually believes we live in a dream world. Willow –that adorable little weirdo –reads quantum physics on her downtime, perhaps digging into the science behind whipping hair. All of this oddness is probably due to their father’s believing you can literally turn water into wine, if only you believe.

4. Pharrell’s Hat

There isn’t much to say about this other than it is not okay. Go ahead and set fashion trends as much as you like, musicians. But please don’t let this be one of them.

3. Gwyneth Paltrow (and What the Hell — Apple, Too)

Gwyneth Paltrow is so progressive she makes Flo look like a Nazi: “When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat,” she said in 2013. “I AM AFRICAN,” she implied for a nonprofit. And then the truth: “I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be someone who makes $25,000 a year.” But you can pretend to be African?

Even her neighbors think she sucks.

When Coldplay’s Chris Martin divorced the elitist Paltrow, she said it was a “conscious uncoupling.” Everyone held their vomit, and essentially, no one cared. Except for Apple.

2. Iggy Azalea

“Firs’ thang’s firs’ I’m da reelis.” No, you’re f*cking not.

Azalea — born Australian as Amethyst Amelia Kelley — plays a character so fake it’s like Rick Moranis auditioning for Alonzo Harris in “Training Day.” She sounds like a resident of the Ninth Ward, except I wish Katrina hit her first. Telling Complex in 2013, “I don’t think the voice makes me fake; it makes me an artist.” No, it makes you a liar. Now write a song about me being a hater and be done with it.

1. Bill Cosby

The proof is in the pudding: over 25 women have come forward about Cosby’s alleged drugging and sexual assault of them. A legend that held the title of America’s Dad for nearly half a century, Cosby is now persona non grata. Once a national treasure who advocated for personal responsibility and chocolate pudding, he is now a horrible, horrible man whose lifework is background noise.