The Hottest Vampire Babes
Vampires = Sex. We know it, you know it. The illicit thrill of gripping someone in the night and burrowing your head in their flesh, the oh-so-subtle pangs of desire, and yes… the chicks, man. Long before the Goth look became a thing, the fair-skinned, buxom beauties of the horror genre have tantalized audiences with their vampiric charms. There are so many vampire hotties in the world of cinema that narrowing down a top ten was obscenely difficult. Sorry Bloodrayne, sorry Leslie Tapin from Lemora, we had to make some tough decisions and this is what we came up with: The Top Ten Hottest Vampire Babes!
10. KATE BECKINSALE in UNDERWORLD
The modern face of vampire hotness, borne from the fruits of post-Matrix vinyl costume design and icy coolness. Kate Beckinsale stars in the Underworld franchise – except for the third one – and her sleek, petite frame and statuesque features make that cat suit of hers look damned fine indeed. Look, but don’t touch. She doesn’t strike us as the approachable type.
9. THE WHOLE CAST in WE ARE THE NIGHT
In the world of We Are the Night, there are no male vampires. So yes, you shallow frat boys, there are a lot of hotties to choose from in the film’s ensemble cast, and yes, we had trouble picking just one. There’s the confident, troubled charisma of the blonde Nina Hoss, the playful exuberance of the pixe-ish Anna Fischer, or the spooky-wooky gothica of Jennifer Ulrich. Or the common sense choice of Karoline Herfurth as the Jason Patric of the story, who goes from zero to sexpot in nothing flat after she joins their vamp camp. Of course the film has more on its mind than eye candy, exploring in dark detail the downside of separatist feminism. So yes, you might feel a little guilty ogling the women in a feminist parable… but since when has guilt been mutually exclusive with your sex life?
8. LAUREN HUTTON in ONCE BITTEN
The virgin sacrifice is a common horror trope, and a mainstay in the darker nether regions of human history. But in the 1980s, virginity was just fodder for sex comedies like the Porky’s series and Losin’ It. Some clever soul found an overlap and brought unto the world Once Bitten, a horror comedy that would have been forgotten completely if it hadn’t starred future blockbuster god Jim Carrey. Ace Ventura gives an uncharacteristically subdued everyman performance, here, so the real scene-stealer is the vampire herself, American Gigolo’s Lauren Hutton, who needs a virgin’s blood to keep her immortality. But the plot is inconsequential: she wears a legless tuxedo and that’s all we need to put her in the Top Ten.
7. ANNE PARILLAUD in INNOCENT BLOOD
John Landis may have been famous for reinventing the werewolf genre in An American Werewolf in London, but when he finally turned his droll eye to vampires in 1992 nobody seemed to have been paying attention. That’s a real shame, since Innocent Blood is a clever, action-packed, star-studded and damned sexy romp through the twisted world of vampirism. The original La Femme Nikita Anne Parillaud stars as Marie, a French vampire who kills Italian-American mobsters and passes them off as gang hits. But when she bites mafia don Robert Loggia and accidentally leaves him alive, it’s up to her and an undercover cop played by future Without a Trace star Anthony LaPaglia to save the day. And have wild, crazy, uninhibited sex. Parillaud plays Marie as a barely contained sexual explosion, seducing her would-be slayer in an impossibly hot nookie sequence. He thinks he’ll be safe because she’s in handcuffs. She tears through them quickly and just keeps on doing what she’s doing. We have to move on now because we’re drooling all over the keyboard.
6. SALMA HAYEK in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN
The unconventional vampire/action hybrid From Dusk Till Dawn takes its sweet time getting to the vampires, but when Salma Hayek finally appears with a giant snake draped over her barely concealed naughty bits and strips for our anti-heroes, forcing Quentin Tarantino to suck on her toes… Sorry, we lost our train of thought. We get the impression her character, Satanico Pandemonium, is more of a tease than an actual sexpot, since she vamps out before getting anywhere close to sealing the deal, so we dropped her down a few spots on the list. Either way, she’s a hottie to die for… and you just might.
5. ANGIE EVERHART in BORDELLO OF BLOOD
Tales from the Crypt tried their hand at feature films back in the 1990s, with surprisingly good results. Demon Knight is easily the best film to come out of the enterprise, but Bordello of Blood is the film most people remember because it had sexy-ass vampires. The sexiest ass of all belonged to Angie Everhart, a former fashion model-turned actress who played Lilith, the mother of all vampires. Thanks to that fiery hair and a tongue that’s gotta be at least 12 inches long, we’ve been fantasizing about every vampire’s mom for years. Everhart’s foxiness really takes the sting out of watching a film with Dennis Miller in it.
4. DRACULA’S BRIDES in BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA
Francis Ford Coppola’s craziest film, after Apocalypse Now obviously, has got to be 1992’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which used every practical effects gimmick in the book to bring Stoker’s original novel to life in all its lurid glory. Gary Oldman gets to sex up Winona Ryder and Sadie Frost, and lucky him, but it’s Keanu Reeves – a horribly miscast Keanu Reeves, by the way – who gets the best job in the film as Dracula’s Brides writhe all over his lanky, reclining frame promising an orgy of epic proportions. They’re played by Florina Kendrick, Michaela Bercu and best of all a young Monica Bellucci. If think she’s hot now, you should see her in 1992. She’s so luscious it’ll give you an embolism. Giving her backup wasn’t necessary, but we’re not complaining: as a group they turn Bram Stoker’s Dracula into a delicious fantasy machine for the ages.
3. INGRID PITT in THE VAMPIRE LOVERS
Oh, Ingrid Pitt. How we love you. Wait, not “love.” Lust after, that’s right. The sexy horror siren of the 1960s and 1970s had her most famous role in The Vampire Lovers, a sultry lesbian erotica in the grand Hammer tradition. And by “grand Hammer tradition” we mean there’s a lot heaving breasts. Pitt plays Carmilla, a seductive vampire who seduces all the women in 19th century Styria, but her thirst for blood gets in the way of her erotic endeavors. Pitt’s Carmilla is a predatory creature, and you can never tell if she’s undressing you with her eyes or ready to pounce… or both. Fun Fact: Ingrid Pitt is also totally awesome. She wrote a Doctor Who script, for crying out loud. It was made into a 2010 radio drama called Doctor Who: The Lost Macros. Check it out.
2. CATHERINE DENEUVE in THE HUNGER
One of the most overtly sexual vampire movies ever made, and that’s really saying something, The Hunger stars young Susan Sarandon as a doctor who encounters a powerfully sensual vampire couple played by Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie. Deneuve, one of the classic sexpots, needs a new lover to occupy her immortality now that Bowie is succumbing to a rapid aging process that befalls of her progeny. She needs a new lover, and seduces Sarandon into one of the sexiest lesbian love scenes in cinematic history. We know what we hunger for, and it’s Catherine Deneuve.
1. MATHILDA MAY in LIFEFORCE
Not a vampire film in the traditional sense, Lifeforce was directed by Texas Chain Saw Massacre’s Tobe Hooper, and co-written by Alien scribe Dan O’Bannon based on Colin Wilson’s novel The Space Vampires. Yes, space vampires. Hidden in the tail of Halley’s Comet there lies a giant spaceship containing space vampires in suspended animation. The space vampires – man, we never get tired to saying “space vampires” – come to Earth, and one of them, played by the impossibly sexy gorgeous yum-yum Mathilda May, has the decency to walk around completely naked all the time in her quest to suck the “life force” out of every living being. Mathilda, you can do whatever you want to us. Just don’t put your clothes back on?
Who do you think is the sexiest movie vampire?