Michael Bolton Demands An Apology

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Michael Bolton has made countless millions singing vagina begging music, and when he got voted off Dancing With The Stars last night for epically sucking, he whined like a weeping vagina. Oh boo hoo. ABC News reports:

After the singer-songwriter’s “Hound Dog” routine was savagely torn apart by judge Bruno Tonioli, who called it “the worst jive in 11 seasons,” Bolton has demanded an apology. Monday night, Bruno lashed out at Bolton’s jive with professional partner Chelsie Hightower in which they used a dog house as a prop. He gave the couple the low score of three out of 10, putting him way behind his competitors. “I am a dog lover, but you make it so hard for me. You should have taken your bone and gone back to the dog house,” Bruno said. “You did it all very, very, very badly.”

Man, we should really feel bad about the way Michael Bolton has been treated. If banging Nicolette Sheridan when she was 28 and Teri Hatcher in the early 90s wasn’t bad enough, he had to suffer the indignity of nine #1 singles and Ashley Judd going down on him. Now this?! I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that Michael Bolton has been cursed by some carnival gypsy. Can he save his soul before the evil forces at work consume his very being? Let’s pray that he can, my friends.