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2018 WWE SURVIVOR SERIES PREVIEW
I despise U2. Every fiber of my being thinks they are over-hyped garbage. Bono and The Edge can’t get enough of themselves (there’s only one Edge, The Edge, and he ain’t never gonna stop) but no song fits better for this Sunday’s WWE Survivor Series than “Sunday Bloody Sunday.” By no means is it to belittle the true meaning behind the song, but Becky Lynch, an Irish wrestler, gets legit socked in the kisser, causing her to don a crimson mask and in turn, gets knocked off the card, making huge waves that possibly effects WWE’s main event future in drastic ways? For this one moment, U2 and the fake Edge gets a pass. This card, even without Lynch, just on paper, is tremendous. Dream matches galore with some weird hodge podges that Picasso couldn’t abstract better. I’ll attempt to sort this puzzle out with my predictions below and quickly lower the U2 to stop the nausea.
Tag Team Survivor Series Match
Team RAW: Bobby Roode and Chad Gable, The Revival, The B-Team, Lucha House Party and The Ascension
Team SmackDown: The Usos, The New Day, Sanity, The Club, and The Colóns
How does one give a shit about this match, exactly? The Monday Night RAW gods definitely didn’t want you to, that’s for sure. The silver lining is we see Sanity, Gallows and Anderson and the lonely Colons make a return to television, who I feel like we haven’t seen since Breaking Bad ended. I tell you what, SmackDown better win this match via clean sweep or Vince is right about not promoting his tag divisions cause even inanimate objects backstage fare better against Braun.
Winners: Team SmackDown
Men’s Traditional Survivor Series Match
Team RAW: Dolph Ziggler, Drew McIntyre, Braun Strowman, Finn Bálor, and Bobby Lashley
Team SmackDown: The Miz, Shane McMahon, Rey Mysterio, Samoa Joe, and Jeff Hardy
Lots of gray areas in this one. I want to say a lot of layers to go along with said gray areas, but this is WWE we’re talking about, the fine people who brought you Billy & Chuck and Natalya uncontrollably farting. Very much one note with the gray as in heels are teaming with faces. I just can’t wait to see Bobby Lashley slap his ass while Samoa Joe, Finn Balor and Drew McIntyre try to add some sense of legitimacy to the whole sha-bang. Oh but wait – we do have the “Best In The World” Shane McMahon on the side of SmackDown. My sincerest sorrow for the omission, Shane. You are the epitome of gray as we still don’t know whether you’re supposed to be a good guy for robbing the “prestigious” World Cup tournament from actual wrestlers. We know you have Dolph’s number at least (2 minutes? Pssh.) SmackDown loses this one after Orton interferes and RKOs the piss out of Rey Rey – the team’s potential sole survivor.
Winners: Team RAW
Women’s Traditional Survivor Series Match
Team RAW: Mickie James, Nia Jax, Tamina, Natalya, and Ruby Riott
Team SmackDown: Carmella, Naomi, Sonya Deville, Asuka, and TBA
I want to give Nia and her RAW team a puncher’s chance in this one (had to), but that’s a lot of heels with not a lot of reasoning for a victory in this one, other than that Alexa Bliss is their pied piper. We were stolen a “sole survivor” opportunity with my previous prediction, so we’ll give that love to Asuka who needs all the help she can get at this point. She’s just one senior moment away from another segment disparaging her ability to speak or understand English. The Empress deserves better.
Winners: Team SmackDown
Next page: The Headline Matches