Dead Man’s Hand

Kurt AngleOn Impact Wrestling’s PPV Sunday, Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff are obviously going to turn heel during the 4-on-4 tag, battering Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe 6-on-2 and revealing themselves as members of Aces & Eights. Every Bischoff needs to live out a motorcycle fantasy on-screen, and Garett, name misspelled by his parents, is no exception.

If you really want to make the angle work, BTW, do what Ole Anderson did: “Put a fence around it.” Dusty Rhodes being pummeled inside a locked cage worked big twice, in 1980 and 1985. It makes a prolonged beatdown much more logical, properly martyrs the babyface and makes the heels that much more villainous.

Then again, nobody involved with this talks like Ole.

Everyone with the slightest clue has figured what’s going to happen. Brisco and Bischoff attaching their lips to Angle’s ass, Brisco and Bischoff getting to save situations late to avoid physical contact with Aces & Eights, the disappearance of Al Snow allowing “inside man” D-Lo Brown to grant Brisco a contract via Gut Check so Brisco can work the angle from the inside…I mean, c’mon. Wrestling 101.

But…just because everybody knows doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

Too often, bookers choose surprise over logic. Too often, bookers let who knows what on the Internet guide what they do.

If Impact feels this is money, do it. Doing the obvious is OK if the fans buy it, and if it leads to money down the road.

Problem is, the fans won’t buy this. NO CHANCE.

Aces & Eights are a latter-day nWo “B” team. Stevie Ray should join. Maybe Vincent/Virgil. Devon is a scrub. Doc has some promise, but he’s a WWE reject. If Brisco was any good, his dad would have him working at WWE. Garett Bischoff and his tracksuit bottoms are a joke. That’s your heel gang? Please.

One tenet of Wrestling 101 is DEFINITELY being followed at Impact: ALWAYS PUSH YOU R KID.

Greg Gagne. Erik Watts. Dustin Rhodes. Jeff Jarrett. George Gulas. Mike Graham. All the Von Erichs. Some got over. Most didn’t. But a wrestling promoter/booker is always going to push his kid regardless of talent level.

Add Garett Bischoff and Brooke Hogan to that list. Each may yet be something special. But I see ABSOLUTELY NO SIGN OF THAT SO FAR.

Garett and Brooke are going to be positioned as stars. That will not change no matter what. They could never fail bad enough. Just back up and start over. Garett and Brooke don’t have to earn anything. They just have to show up.

Impact thinks the Garett/Brisco reveal is going to be a big deal. That Brooke and Bully Ray turning heel on Hulk is going to be a big deal. Anybody else buy that? I feel bad for Bully Ray. He’s hitting his stride as a big-time heel, and now he’s being sucked into the Hogan vortex, where he’ll be Brooke’s sidekick. Yikes.

BTW, Mark LoMonaco (aka Bully Ray) is married. His wife’s name: Fawnfeather. That’s an AWESOME name. I wonder how she feels about all this.

I wonder how Bully Ray felt when Brooke’s glorious jugs were bouncing wantonly on her way to the ring Thursday. I certainly enjoyed it.

But then Brooke had to ruin it by talking.

I like Matt Morgan. I like Joey Ryan. I don’t like them together. Ryan mostly detracts from Morgan. Morgan reminds me of Lex Luger. He doesn’t need a clown. He needs a serious mouthpiece, like J.J. Dillon. Morgan could be a big-timer. Impact needs to follow the early Luger blueprint. Ryan needs to continue being a dead ringer for Harry Reems.

Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA(105.9) . Check out his web page at Contact Mark by emailing [email protected] com. FOLLOW MARK ON TWITTER: @MarkMaddenX

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