Cheers to That: 7 Characteristics of the Perfect Bartender
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The key to a good time isn’t just visiting a good bar with good friends. In fact, without a good bartender, you might as well stay home and get wasted in your underwear. An above-par bartender (or mixologist, as we’ve come to relabel them) not only makes a perfect Old-Fashioned but intuitively caters to your needs. How do you know when you’ve got a good bartender? There are several ways to tell, and we’re laying them out for you. This is a shout-out to every person behind a bar who understands the nature of their job, ensuring we always have the best of times, even if we went drinking to manage the worst of times.
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It Feels Like You've Always Known Them
The best bartenders are the kinds you can never forget. Think TV bartenders like Ted Lange and Sam Malone. If your bartender isn't on TV, why are you even paying them?
They're An Intuitive Mixologist
Sure, making drinks is essential to their craft, but what makes a bartender next-level is their ability to know what it is you want when you're too wasted to articulate it. "You know, the thing, the shot, it's red," could literally mean anything, but they'll know it's code for, "A mandarin kamikaze shot with a splash of grenadine for color."
They Make Magic From Simple Ingredients
When you walk into a bar, you're the most vile version of yourself. A great bartender knows just what to put into a cup so you morph into the person you desperately wish you were, Hurricane Kayla.
They're The Life Of The Party
A good bartender is a homing device for a good time. Everyone knows and loves them -- not just because they're great at mixing and serving drinks, but because they are the party. Which is why they always know the best drug dealers and every after-hours spot worth going to.
They Pour With A Heavy Hand
When you've finally found a bartender who understands the importance of the three finger pour, never let them go. Tip them well and hope they never cut you off.
Man's Best Friend
A truly great bartender is a version of man's best friend, but this version can make sure your friend Derrick gets effing blasted on his 25th birthday.
Never Kisses And Tells
The best bartenders can keep a secret. If yours can't, find yourself one who can. And, if you're lucky, they'll be single and into you, too.