Photo: Gregory Kramer (Getty)
The beginning of childhood looks an awful lot like the end of adulthood, but no matter what the age, most adults are clearly not ready for adulthood. We use words like “man-child” and “grown down” to describe these child-like wonders who act more than childish and obsessed with their private parts than most kids. And we are the same adults that enjoy going to pizza camp, and that somehow find ourselves stuck in playground equipment.
So check it out below to learn and see how we know you’re not ready to be an adult. We don’t care how old you are. Just make sure you look through this and determine if you’r etruly an adult.
This Is How We Know You’re Not Ready to Be an Adult
Or maybe you don’t want to grow up? And if you dont that is totally fine with us. Because there is no shame in living your life like Michael Scott would live it every damn damn.
So kudos to you, you big kid. Never grow up, and continue to do whatever the hell you want.
Time to read this: 12 Things Advice We Tell Kids To Do That We Never Do As Adults
Not Ready To Be An Adult
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You’ll still turn anything into a penis, if given the chance.
Parking cones, party hats, empty paper towel rolls. It doesn’t matter what’s in front of you, you’re probably going to hold it up to your crotch area and thrust your pelvis in the most awkwardly disturbing way. Will there be children present? Most certainly. But you’ll do it anyway, and the higher the blood-alcohol content, the more awkward and disturbing it'll be. Everything looks hilariously like a penis in your world. Or boobs.
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Your most reliable weapon at home is a squirt gun.
Whether or not you believe in the Second Amendment is up to you. Those laws were made by big kids who didn't want their toys taken away, thus exist in the constitution, which right beneath “No girls allowed.”
Photo: Getty
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And you still hit strangers from your balcony with water balloons.
What is the point in living in a crowded city if you can’t lob water balloons as unsuspecting pedestrians going about their innocent lives? Hey, at least you didn't fill them with your own urine (yes, you did) or get out the potato gun (you might). You’ll do all that after you’ve exhausted your arms with the water balloon launcher and potato gun.
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Every Fourth of July, you start a Roman candle war with the neighborhood kids.
Of course they're less than half your age, and it’ll end in some poor bastard child going to the hospital or getting a bottle rocket stuck up their ass, but hey man, that’s America. Roman candle wars typically consist of a handful of youngsters and the one adult who was able to load up the car and drive it home full of illegal fireworks. He’s the guy shooting a bunch of children with giant flaming candles until one gets hurt and ruins the game for everyone.
Photo: YouTube
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Every minute of your life is a scene from a superhero movie.
If you’re not poorly reenacting one, you’re probably having a discussion about one you just saw or will see in the next few hours. People wonder how you've managed to keep your job, but when they ask you just laugh because you’re not too sure yourself. Also, there’s a Spider-Man suit under your work shirt.
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Kids sometimes tell you to grow up (or shut up).
Why would you wait in the school’s pick-up line when you could challenge yourself to the monkey bars? In these moments, it quickly becomes clear that you have the body of a wilting adult, no matter how unprepared you are for adulthood. Other times, you'll be talking so much bullshit conspiracy theory that even a 10-year-old can call you out on it. “Shut up, old man” is quickly followed by “No joke, it’s true. Look it up on the Wikipedia!”
Photo: Getty
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Social media has become your chief form of amusement, despite not understanding it.
Your children won’t accept your friend request, but that doesn't keep you from trolling their Instagram photos by reenacting them and posting on your feeble newsfeed. Somehow it goes viral, despite the fact that you have less than 50 friends.
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You might be big, but you still have more toys than most toddlers.
You’re never too big for toys. And the less responsibility you have, the more toys you get. And the bigger they get each year. You started with a keyboard, but you’re working up to the fun-size one from Big.
Photo: 20th Century Fox
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But you still try to fit in the toddler toys anyway.
Just because you have everything under the sun doesn't mean you won’t steal from other kids. Maybe you thought it’d be funny, or just plain fun, or perhaps you have too much time on your hands. Either way, you’re not going to be thrilled about getting stuck inside that Fisher Price deathtrap.
Photo: Getty
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You still say you’re going to move to Canada well past the election.
Well, it’s over. Trump won, but you’re still here. Imagine which is more disappointing for us. Seriously though, has a single person moved? It’s just like a child to make empty threats.
